Manacled by Senlinyu

chapter 66

June 2005

Draco stood, withdrawing his hands and walking back until he was nearly five feet away. Fully out of arm's reach.

He suddenly seemed uncertain, as though he no longer knew how to interact with her. His hands at his sides opened and closed while he hesitated and looked away from her.

The grief and pain between had reasserted itself, sweeping in like a tidal wave. It hurt to look at him, to want him, to crave him as though he were oxygen, but not know how they'd ever reconcile everything that existed between them now.

"You should sleep," he said after a moment, glancing down and straightening his robes. "I'll bring whatever books you want tomorrow."

Hermione watched him, hesitating and drawing a quick breath.

"Do you want to stay?" She forced the question out before she could reconsider it.

Draco stared at her with his expression blank, and her heart began pounding painfully in her chest.

His eyes unfocused and then cleared.

"You don't want me to," he said after studying her for a second longer, his mouth twisting in the corner. "Don't try to force yourself into something because you feel obliged in some way."

He turned on his heel and headed towards the door.

"No," she said, standing up, her voice sharp. "Don't go."

He froze.

She swallowed, throat tightening. "I want you to stay. I do. It's just—sometimes—sometimes—" She tripped over the words as she tried to explain. "My memories are out of order—I can't always remember—" She swallowed. "Stay. I want you to. I don't want to be alone."

She stepped carefully towards him. "Will you?"

Her fingers were trembling as they brushed against the back of his hand. She was half-braced that he might jerk back or shove her away. She swallowed and edged closer, studying his face. His expression was a mask.

She looked down and slipped her fingers into his hand. She was hardly breathing, and her hand started shaking visibly.

This would be fine. Just breathe and it would be fine.

Obedient.

Quiet.

Not to resist.

She closed her eyes and drew a short, quick breath. The sound filled her ears.

"Hermione," Draco's voice made her eyes snap open as she looked up. He was staring down at her with a closed expression. "Don't do this."

He carefully took hold of her wrist and pulled his hand free of hers, fingers tightening for a moment. "I'll come see you tomorrow."

"No." She grasped his hand again. "No. Don't go. I don't want you to go. I just—I just—" her jaw trembled so much she struggled to speak. "I don't—" she swallowed and looked up at him. "I only want to hold your hand. I don't want to—I can't say no if you—because of the—"

Draco's eyes flickered, and his hand in hers twitched away.

She stared down at their hands, her hold tightening. "Just stay," she said, inhaling sharply. "I want to know you're not—somewhere else."

Hermione's heart racing until the blood roared in her ears, but she squared her shoulders and forced herself to walk towards her bed.

It crossed her mind that maybe she should have agreed to a different room. Then it wouldn't be the same bed.