In My Dreams

Chapter 5 Taylor's POV

I stayed in my sisters room for hours. Finally I told her I was tired. It was 1:15am so it was a good excuse. In reality I wasn't tired at all. I haven't really been sleeping much since January and it is April. I haven't been eating much either. I don't know what it was about the new year that made me change. Don't get me wrong I was depressed before. But it hit me hard these last couple of months. My anxiety and eating disorder hit me harder as well. But who wouldn't have some sort of depression or something wrong when you lived how I did. A father in and out of prison, jail, and rehab through out your life. And a step mother that beat you till you were 9. It's not like my father did any thing about it. He stayed married to her didn't he. Well that was until my mother told him she was going to take him to court and he'd never see me again because every time I came home I'd be covered from head to toe in bruises. Honestly I don't think he would have done anything but it would look bad on his part so he divorced her. My mother was never stable herself. Yeah. Sure. She had a job and husband. But that meant nothing. I was living with my grandmother half of the time and the other half my grandmother was paying my mothers bills. Always has probably always will. She can never take care of herself. So I moved out of her house before I was 13 and into my dad's. And haven't talked to my mom in over 3 weeks. That's her fault maybe she shouldn't have moved away. She knew I wouldn't come with her. But it's not like she tries to contact me. She doesn't try. Why should I? I pretty much keep to my self. People don't pay much attention to me anyways. No one would notice if something was wrong. At least they haven't so far.

Yeah. I have friends and all but I pretty much just keep to myself. I have just two main friends. Grace and Megan. And yesterday I told them about me cutting. It was pretty hard the second time telling them. I think it was worse than the first. Yeah. I have before in the past but that was before my parents said the where going to send me to counseling again. I started back up in January after my depression hit me hard. After 4 months of hiding it I told them. And they didn't take it to well but, what else would you expect?

I waited a couple for hours after I left her room to make sure she was asleep and I walked over to my book shelf and pulled out a blade from one of my books. I sat in the corner on the floor. I know I shouldn't do it again. I did it just last night. But three days the time before that.

I sit there and stare at my wrist then down at my blade. My wrist was itching to be cut again. I know I shouldn't but the feeling is too strong. One cut I tell myself. Only one. I slide the blade across my wrist and watch the blood run down my arm. I know I should stop but I couldn't. The voices in my head just kept yelling one more time! Once more!

I cut a few more times and watched the blood run down my arm. It was almost 5 so I knew if had to stop. My sister would be waking up soon for school and I couldn't let her see me like this. I laid the blade down and just sat there for another 20 minutes. I finally decided that it was time to get up off the floor and go clean off my wrist and get ready for school before my sister woke up. I climbed myself up off the floor and headed towards the bathroom as I heard my sisters alarm go off. I just hoped today will be better than yesterday.