Inferno Hearts

13

Sana, Sidharth has been deep in thoughts of her. Sana, the name rolled on his tongue unusally many times. Why? No reason. No answers. No justification. Just a thought kept crossing his mind, now and then. While reading he stumbled on liberalism and he was left to think of her. What is that girl, he wondered. What is that forces me to know her more and think of her ,he couldn't conclude.

The balcony of her room, at night had her presence in the warm humid wind, she was the sprinkle of the first shower. He has, since the night discovered her in the balcony, has been a regular visitor to her appearnace there. Only a few nights have been without her being seen by him, and so he would retreat to his own shell earlier. All she did was to sit and stare at the sky with a soft hum of music. The soft soulful music, unlike the rock, ear blasting music most of the young generation like to groove on. A book sometimes accompany her, a novel to be precise, or sometimes just a bottle of water, her and the phone with the music playing the symphony.

He wondered if she ever noticed him, or did she actually see him drunk and faltering in steps that night, the hazy visions he had. The thought made him smack himself for such a bad impression. But why would he worry for his impression on her. Not that they were some one in love. Not that he had a crush on her, or he was in deep love with her. Nothing that would stir up and imbalance the inner self. Absolutely nothing yet.

"Crazy, Sidharth that is being crazy and nothing. Stop doing that. That might make her uncomfortable some day, you might scare her off. Stop those habits of yours" he remarked averting his eyes away from her balcony. Tonight she wasn't seated on the floor like other days but a chair. Not that he minded, just that he noticed.

"But she don't even know that I am living here. She doesn't know me nor will she want. She isn't concerned." a justification came next. It was all unknown to her, he concluded, and thus he wasn't making her uncomfortable or scaring her away.

"Shutup and sleep" he ordered himself and left his balcony walking back into the room. The bed so messed up, and he was irked. Sleeping without cleaning wasn't even an option for him, and thus a riled up mood so sudden. Scanning the mess, his eyes managed to land on a picture of his late wife, Anamika. That was the only picture he had in his house of her, that he decided to let it be there. A guilt surfaced him, seeing the picture. It was just a few months she left, and he was staring and gazing at another women, rather a girl, a college going girl. Though they weren't deep in love or were bonded in the scared tie out of love, but there was a fondness developing, between the two, there was an understanding, a mutual respect and he felt like crushing and diminishing all those virtuous vows and ties between them, and humiliating her.

He felt his action an insult to her soul, to there short lived relation. And this riled him more and more. His frustration was surfacing him, and he was giving into it willingly. Though otherwise calm and composed, his anger would erupt suddenly and wouldn't be something pleasing. The most common sense of respect between the two individuals tied in a bond of marriage was being thrashed by him and he was guilty of it. All his act made him feel low of himself, and like a lecherous man eyeing a girl. Though his intentions were never wrong, yet he couldn't help the guilt that surfaced him. In that fit of rage that had its origin in guilt he experienced the room was soon spic and span cleaned to perfection. The work rested, but his mind overworked. Was he really doing wrong? Yes! His conscience gave him the answers and he believed it, finally letting the sleep take over him, sedating his mind for a few hours before it would work up again for the same reason.

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Sana had her mood down in the dumps. Though her day has been good but the end of it didn't seem much welcoming. His thoughts, and Tanya's words reverbarted in her mind. The less she was wanting to take her mind to those lanes that connected to him, the more her mind found those lanes fascinating and endearing forcing her to walk those paths. Nor can she deny that, him helping her in times, made her feel a inkling towards him, nor does she want to accept that part of her where she was pulled to him. A complete chaos she felt within a few weeks of her being Delhi, and she wondered how was she to complete her two years in here.