Renegade-N.H-

Holy Ground

ren·e·gade - noun

1. a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles. Synonyms:traitor, defector, deserter, turncoat, rebel, mutineer - a person who behaves in a rebelliously unconventional manner.

Holy Ground

Today;

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I quickly realize I am still pressed up against my bedroom door, fingers gripping tightly to my baseball bat. My heart had slowed and my crying had stopped, I must have fallen asleep there.

If I know him well enough he's asleep on the other side of the door, his head curled into his chest-breathing heavy. His blonde hair is probably spilling from underneath his black hat and he's probably drooling into his lap. If I close my eyes tightly enough I can picture his blue eyes, deep, dark and endless staring back at me.

How did we get here? To this point where being together was the worst possible thing for us. Being together would tear us apart so violently that neither of us could recover let alone love any other person ever again. Dark clouds hung over our heads like reminders that what we were doing was only making things harder. Our families doomed in separation, we were romeo and juliet only this time the blood shed would be massive.

Slipping into darkness with a simple potion seemed peaceful, easy almost. How we were to die if we continued this charade of happiness would be brutal and messy. Our families would never stand for it, his family only needed one thing from me and I refused to give it to them ever.

I shake the thought from my head and climb from the floor pulling my drawers open as quietly as I can. Any noise I make will wake him, but I try to stay silent while packing a small duffle bag full of clothes. I look at the photo of us sitting on my dresser and take a deep breath before shoving it in the bag as well. I can hear him stirring on the other side of the thick oak door, knowing full well he could break it down if he wanted.

I pause for a moment listening, his weight shifts from his left foot as he places both hands on the door. His breathing is slow, shallow like his lungs are preparing to scream at their capacity. I creep to the door, as silently as possible and rest my hand against the door, desperate to feel him one last time before I disappear. A hitch in my breath causes him to shift his body again closer to the door this time, I can hear his heart beating in his chest.

"Harley," he whispers so quietly I can barely hear my name leave his lips, but I shiver at the sound. "I know you can hear me, I can feel you standing there."

I can't do this, I say to myself as he continues through the oak. I press my forehead to the wood and pray to myself to be strong, not to let him change my mind again.

"Please don't do this, please don't leave me."

I don't say anything, my throat is closing from sadness, even if I tried not a single word would leave my lips except the ones he wants to hear.

I'll stay, hold me, please hold me.

My arms ached at my side for the touch of his warm skin, my nose burning with the scent of his cologne they beg my heart to open the door. I know he can hear my thoughts but it doesn't matter because I won't say them out loud, I won't open the door. I need to leave and live, or stay and die.

They already took everything from me, freedom, family-a normal life. Now they would take the love of my life from my hands, at least that's what it felt like. Like they were prying him from me, making the choice clear. Either I help him or I leave.

"I'll protect you from them...it doesn't need to end like this..." His breathing has turned rabid and I know that he's getting angry with me for being stubborn. He should have seen this coming after all these years of watching me grow. That eventually it would come to a stand off, me against him. One beating, bleeding heart against another. 

"God damnit Lee, answer me."

I love you, so much. I whisper one last time, the last time I would say those words to him. If I think hard enough I can remember the last time I had said them, that was the second hardest day of my life...next to this. What would I do without him? Where the hell would I go?

"I'm coming in there," he growls and I feel the door buckle under his broad shoulder causing me to jump backwards, my hand still flush against the crackling wood. "I'll break this fucking door in Harley," and he would, splinters of oak crash to the floor but before I wait to see his heart broken face I am out the window.

My feet hit the soft grass a floor below, my knees give out a little but I regain the strength and take off running as fast as I can. My lungs adjust quickly to my speed and allow me to push through the pain that my heart is pumping through my body. The screams coming from his lips hit my ears only seconds later. I stand on the edge of the wooded path and let the single tear fall from my eyes as I dose myself in as much perfume as my nose can handle.

**Alright Loves, here is it, Bloomers was a bust. I got five updates in and hit a major wall. The wall was Zayn leaving the band, I had written him into the story and I just couldn't bring myself to continue writting it. My brain, heart and fingers wouldn't allow it. I think eventually I'll pull him into this one when I'm good and ready to do so but for now, Niall and the other boys are always present. This is a Niall AU so everything in the story is clearly fictional, don't give up on me yet. This is VERY VERY different from Crave you and Come Together. I promise this will be amazing.**