What about me?

For your love

Izuku needed to turn off the TV. He couldn't breathe. It was too much. He needed air! But his hand was shaking, the remote in it, his arm raised to shut off what he was seeing, but he couldn't do it.
After all these years he was finally seeing Kacchan again. And he was with someone else. Someone Deku fucking liked. And that hurt the most.
Finally, god finally, he pressed the button, so that the TV returned to its home screen.
Izuku couldn't stop the tears.
He was twenty-five. Almost twenty-six years old. He was nothing like the anxious boy that had left the academia.

„Kacchan. Does it still hurt?". The blond boy looked at him through gritted teeth.
„Course not, silly deku. I can take it".
Admiring, Deku stared at his friend.
It was unexplainable for him, how Kacchan wasn't crying. He had fallen, his knee was bleeding bad and his hands were scraped open as well. But Kacchan was still smiling at Deku. Smiling at him with a dedication that left the 5 year old Deku speechless.
„Let's go home, Deku". Kacchans dirty hand took Dekus. „It's okay".

The weight of the memory took Izukus breath once again. He remembered his small self. So in love with Kacchan. There was so much happiness they were yet to find.
Izuku had really believed they were soulmates.
But as the years went by and he remained quirkless, Bakugo had abandoned him.
He had ripped out his small heart, teared it to shreds and still kept the remains. He had never given it back.
And instead of finding happiness, Izuku had found hurt and disgust.
Kacchan had caused so much trauma in his life, it had taken him years of therapy to overcome it. Sometimes, Izuku still woke up to a nightmare of Kacchan beating him up.
And still, even after everything that had happened, Izuku still longed for Bakugo. There was still this untamable desire for Bakugos love inside of him and seeing Kirishima, the guy that had always been friendly towards him, the guy that had protected him from Bakugos anger and yelled at the blonde boy, until he apologized to Izuku. This exact Kirishima now had what Izuku had wanted his entire life.

Of course it was Kirishima. It made sense that it was Kirishima. Out of everyone in the world, it had to be Kirishima. Because the red haired man had always been the only one Bakugo listened to. He had always been able to calm Bakugo down.
Kirishima was the water that cleared the fire, while he, Izuku lit it up like gasoline.
Bakugo and he were never meant to be. No matter how much he wanted to believe they were soulmates. Their relationship was toxic and dangerous and too unstable to temper with.
And so, he thought, it was time to give up.

„I need to see him". Izuku was washing the tears off his face, as he spoke to his own broken reflection in the mirror.
„One last time, I need to see him. Then I can finally move on".
It was pathetic. Izuku knew that. A weak attempt to get over the person he didn't just love but desired with a passion that was overwhelming. But he couldn't stop his heart from forcing him to go after what he had once lost.

Izuku threw on his workout clothes and went for a jog.
He remembered the place the attack had happened. It was a crowded shopping center, a place he usually avoided but right now, it was his only shot at seeing Bakugo again.
When he got there, he pulled the hood of his jacket a little more over his face, trying to avoid any attention he would drive if people found out he was Deku.
It took a long while but after almost an hour of running through the still chaotic center, Izuku finally found Kirishima and Bakugo outside the building.

He kept his distance, careful not to make them see him.
Kirishima looked even more intimidating in real life. His flaming red hair was cut into a mullet, the short front spiking upward, held by the shining black head-piece he was wearing. Under it, Izuku could even see a piercing on his right ear. Kirishimas hero costume didn't have a shirt and Izuku couldn't be mad at that because his entire upper body was covered in rock hard muscles. He looked sexy and intimidating at the same time and Izuku thought that Bakugo was a really lucky man.
However, Izuku found himself a little too proud over the fact that he was taller than Kirishima. And his arms were bigger.

Bakugo had shaved the hair on his sides, leaving him with an undercut. And it looked a little too good, Izuku had to admit that.
Bakugos costume was a lot less extra nowadays. The gauntlets were a lot smaller and he was carrying actual guns on his hips.
The upper half was still a black tank top, with an X on it. But instead of revealing the pale skin of a teenage boy, the cut outs now revealed muscles. However, Bakugo also had a certain amount of fat on his body, causing him to look even more massive than Kirishima.
But, and it made Izukus mouth twitch into a pathetic grin, the blonde man wasn't taller than him.
„Let's go home Kiri", Izuku heard Bakugo say. The red head nodded.

Izuku found himself following Bakugo and Kirishima to their apartment. He wasn't a creep, no, but he couldn't get himself to turn around. After a while of walking, when Izuku allowed himself to think again, he realized that he had lost the two men.
„Fucking dammit", Izuku spit out and slowed down.
He looked around.
He knew this part of town. This was where he had found a home after leaving the academia. This was where he had found friends, family. Trust.
Here, he had learned how to make use of his power without hurting his body.
And even if this part of town was dangerous,
even if criminals lived here, it gave Izuku a feeling of home he hadn't even realized he was missing.
„Who the fuck are you? And you better talk fast before I blow your fucking head off".
Izuku turned on his heel.
Bakugo.
He was standing a few meters away from him, one of the guns pointed directly towards him.
Now, Izuku could really see it.
See the way the gun absorbed the sweat on Bakugos hands.
„Wow. The guns are powered with your sweat. I didn't get that at first. That is so smart. How did you come up with that?".
Izuku took a small step towards the older man.
„Don't come closer! Why did you follow us? We will kill you if you come any closer".
It was Kirishima who was talking now, right on Bakugos side. Of course he was.
„Mh and here I was, thinking I was being slick about following you. Well I guess that didn't work out". Izuku laughed. The hood was still covering his face and the bad lighting in this street kept his face from the heroes eyes.
„It was good to see you again, Kacchan".
With the last word, Izuku ripped the hood off his head and escaped into an alley. When Bakugo and Kirishima finally made it there as well, he was long gone.

„That-that was Deku". Bakugo was still holding the gun.
Kirishima gently pushed his risen arm down, guiding him to let it go.
Putting the gun back into his belt, Bakugos thoughts went crazy.
Why was he there? Why did he follow them? Where had he been?
To that one, Bakugo knew the public answer, saving people, being the best fucking hero at their time. But Bakugo wondered about something else. Where had Izuku been all those years without reaching out to him?
„Come on, let's go home".
Kirishima took Bakugos shaking hand in his own. Bakugos eyes caught the slight golden shimmer of the ring on the red headeds' finger in the bad lighting.
„Deep breath Katsuki".
Kirishima.
Bakugo couldn't stop his heart from swelling with love while looking at his fiancé.
They had been engaged for only a few weeks now but it was the best decision Bakugo had ever made. Kirishima had always been there for him. When he first started therapy, when he told his mother he was bisexual, when he had lost Deku.
Deku.
He looked so different. Not a single strand of hair was like it used to be when Izuku had left them. He was so tall, so strong. Bakugo wondered if the freckles on his face were still there.

„He looked so weird", Bakugo and Kirishima were sitting on their couch, Bakugos head resting on the other mans shoulder.
„He looked fucking hot".
Bakugo gave Kirishimas shoulder a slight punch, but he knew his fiancé was right.
„How are you feeling, Darling?". Kirishima looked the taller man directly into his eyes.
„I know you're holding back because you don't wanna hurt my feelings. But please talk to me. I know how hard seeing him again must be for you". Kirishima lifted his hand and gently stroked over Bakugos cheek, feeling the stubbles of his growing beard. The other man clearly needed to shave.
„Fuck you shitty hair".
Bakugo had changed a lot since his school time. He was now 27, taller and stronger.
And he had worked through his anger issues. Taken program after program to learn that his behavior was wrong, that he was violent.
And Bakugo hated himself for the person he once was. He hated what he had done to others. The way he had treated the people he cared about.
He never really called Kirishima by his old, mean nickname. But in this situation it gave him a feeling of long lost comfort.