Never Let You Go

Chapter 1

You would think that if you disliked someone, you would leave them alone and never wish to speak to them, to never look at them, to never have to think about them. I wish that's how people were in my life. Instead they keep you around (cause I'm surrounded by jerks) to make you suffer. But I wouldn't take this suffering any longer.

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I had laid here so uncomfortable tonight, I could feel my thighs stick together as if I put Elmer's glue and it were slowly spreading them apart, with webs of glue thinning as I pulled them apart. Only it was my skin, and they were stuck with sweat, trying to stay together.

My lips were dry and cracked, I knew if I said a word with the 'ee' present, I would for sure rip my lips thin, brittle skin.

I could feel the crust at the edges of my eyes, scratching my skin. When I blinked, my eyelashes picked them up and dropped them in my eyes, going against their purpose.

Worst of all, my hair was stuck to the back of my neck, I didn't have enough energy to pick my head up and brush away the hair and relieve myself of that yucky feeling, so I just laid there wide awake but so drained of energy and life.

I flopped on to my stomach to see if I could get comfortable. Well my bed was warm and the sheets were moist with my sweat and tears.

The feeling didn't go away, even if I did flop around like a fish, and the warmth made me sick to my stomach.

I felt a rush of anxiety, so I calmed my breathing and did what my mom taught me.

But...the feeling didn't fade.

My stomach felt as if worms were squirming around trying to free themselves through my esophagus.

My spine shivered with a bitter cold not curing me of my over heating body,although I wish it did. I wanted to wiggle around to see if I could get rid of this anxiety attack. I wasn't completely sure why I was having one, they used to come often in middle school but rarely in high school.

I was tired yet wide awake, i'm not sure if that's even possible. My eyes were heavy but my body was alert and jittery.

I looked at my hands, they were shaking uncontrollably, I clenched my fist but found that my hands were weak, and I couldn't clench them tighter.
I didn't want to feel weak, I hate that feeling. I wasn't, I knew I wasn't. It just felt like I was and that was worse than my anxiety attack

I sighed in defeat. "I would really appreciate it brain if you would turn off for maybe an hour or 2, possibly 3?.. That's all I have left considering it's already 2:30."I asked myself in a small shaky voice.

I didn't sleep tonight, I was too uncomfortable. So I just layed there pondering about my life. I was basically forced to by myself. I didn't want to think about it, I never do. I liked things that could distract me from it. I don't like myself, every conversation I have with myself leads to... Forget it nevermind.

I dreaded leaving my bed because I would only go to the other part of my life that reminded me of why I was so dejected. The people I was surrounded with, once I left , remind me of the day.

The hurt.

I could feel bile rise in my throat. I ripped the covers off and made a run towards the bathroom with my hand sealed over my mouth.

The cold air engulfed me as I hopped out from underneath the blankets, and my hair rose with goosebumps all over my body.

The cold hardwood floors tickled my warm feet with little frozen kisses. I haven't used my feet in a couple hours and now I startled them with an icy surface.