Ailemiz İçin

Part 2

     Her heart was beating so fast, for two. She washed her face to calm down. She couldn't wait to tell Sergio. She wanted to say it with a nice surprise, but she gave up immediately. What could be better in their room right now than whispering 'our baby' in his ear as if we were whispering our love after looking deep into his eyes? She had made up her mind, looked at herself in the mirror, straightened her hair, turned sideways looked at her stomach, what it would look like when she was grown up, impatient. Then she laughed at self, as if it was her first pregnancy. How excited the fruit of such love was, she loved once again.

     She could not wait any longer, she quickly got out of the bathroom, hurried into the room. Seeing her rush, Sergio turned to her in surprise. Raquel closed the door and stopped in front of him. She wanted to enjoy this moment, to engrave every second in her mind. She gave a long look at Sergio -her baby's father. She was curious about his reaction, but she also felt a strange fear inside her. 

     Sergio came over to her nervously, stroked her cheek: "Are you okey darling?"

     She stared into his eyes for a long time, then left a long but soft kiss on his lips. Sergio responded with concern but again passionately.

     When they finally parted, Raquel held his hands tightly, looked at Sergio, who was staring at her with prying eyes, and approached his ear: "Sergio, I'm pregnant."

     A few seconds that looked like hours, they just stayed. Raquel did not like the silence and stood back and looked at his face. Sergio was almost frozen.

     -Sergio!

     Sergio seemed to wake up suddenly. He didn't know how to react or feel. He had never thought of being a father. Even trying to be a father model for Paula was difficult enough for his. And all he thought was trying to protect his family in this situation they were in. Wasn't a baby impossible in all this? Yes, maybe he would be very happy if he had received this news under other circumstances. He loved Raquel, really loved her, but he wasn't familiar with these feelings. He wasn't sure they could protect this baby, it couldn't.

     - When did you find out, Raquel?

     - Sergio, I said I'm pregnant, we'll have a baby, is that all you say?

     - Raquel! When did you learn? How late is your period?

     Raquel tried to stay calm, but the sudden intense stress and frustration she felt was too much for her pregnant body. She began to feel intense dizziness, took a deep breath.

     - I...I just learned it, Sergio, a little while ago and I came running over to you. I must be stupid, I thought you would be glad.

     She looked at Sergio's gaze with last hope, and in his eyes there was fear instead of the joy she expected to see. Didn't he want this baby? Suddenly, her dizziness got more intense and she had to seek support from Sergio as she was about to fall. Sergio grabbed Raquel with concern.

     - Raquel, my love! Okay! Calm down, sit down, breathe!

     He sat Raquel on the bed. Now all he thought was her health. He asked anxiously as he gave the water beside the bed: Are you okay, are you better?

     Raquel took a sip of the water, then suddenly turned aside: I'm fine! Look into my eyes and say: Don't you want it?

     - Raquel, mi amor, please don't do this. Look, you know the situation we're in. I love you, I love you very much, but this is not enough to raise a baby. I am trying to understand you, you learned that you are pregnant, and you are emotional. I'm trying to think logically so please understand me.

     Raquel was trying to stay calm. She hit the ground with her foot and stood up. Sergio grabbed her arm as she tried to leave: Raquel please!

     - You want me to understand you? Why do I always have to be understanding? To my mother, my sister, my daughter, my colleagues, my job, my ex-husband, and now to you, everyone. I must always be understanding. So what will my feelings be? You are having a hard time, okay? You lost your brother, you avenged your father. But I lost my life too, Sergio, my whole life. Yes it was my choice, I do not regret it. But I am also having a hard time. I gave up my job, my home, my whole life, my freedom. Do you think I am not worried about my daughter's future, my mother's health? Do you think it's just you thinking of everything, Sergio? No, there isn't a single second that I haven't thought about them. But I'm still trying to understand you. Sergio is upset, Sergio has no relationship experience, I'll support him, please. Okay but me? Despite everything, I never thought of giving up on you or this baby. But you, you can give up very easily. That scares me, Sergio. You don't understand, not me.

     As she tried to leave, Sergio took her arm again: Stop! We'll talk about it!

     Raquel pulled her arm and turned furiously at him: One word! I just want a word. Say it! Don't you want this baby?

     - Raquel!

     - Say it!

     - No! (he shouted in anger)

     Raquel looked at him. Her disappointment and sadness were visible in her eyes. Sergio regretted his yelling. He tried to keep Raquel: S-sorry!

     - I need to calm down, let me go.

     She left the room and didn't know what to do. It was the first time that Sergio had been so angry with her, and it was about their babies. Although she tried not to bring back her bad memories with Alberto, she couldn't. She went into the next room and started sobbing. Her nerves were empty. It was as if she was feeling relieved as she cried.

     Walking back and forth in the room to calm down for a few minutes, Sergio could not hold back when he heard the cries. He didn't know what to think, what to do, or what he felt. He thought he was experiencing some kind of shock. The crying sounds brought him to life. He had hurt his wife very much. He knew about Raquel's fear attacks. He just wanted to hug her, he couldn't bear to be upset her. He quickly left the room, walked to the sound and hugged his wife in the room from behind, who was sobbing, and she was crying.

     - Sorry my love! Sorry dear! I love you so much. I should never have shouted at you, I know you have bad memories. Sorry! Calm down, calm down...

     He calmly took her face and turned her face to himself. At first, Raquel didn't want him, but then she felt tired and tried to calm down by putting her head on his chest.

     - Sorry! Look, everything will be alright. I apologize for not being able to explain myself. This is the first time I've had this and I don't know what to think or what to feel, Raquel. Look, I've lived my whole life with plans. But it takes me time to get used to you and what you bring to my life, sorry. You know that our life is not normal and is not suitable for a baby. But, I love you so much and we will talk and solve it together okay? Calmly...

     He kissed her hair and patiently waited for her to calm down. Raquel, who disappeared with her bad memories, was tired. He calmly laid her on the sofa and took a cover from the room and covered her. Then, when she woke up, he didn't want her to be alone. And settled into the tiny sofa. She slept peacefully, in his chest. He watched her while she sleeping. This was his favorite thing.