Ailemiz İçin

Sad Decision

     Sergio got up early from dinner and went into his study room. He couldn't think of anything, he seemed frozen. He felt tired, he wanted to throw these aside and just hug his wife and sleep and find peace. He finally could not stand it, got up and went to their room, but the room was empty. He went to the living room, Marivi looked at him with curious eyes.

Sergio: Where's Raquel?

- She was keeping Paula to sleep. Are you two okay?

- Have you talked to her?

- No, I asked but she didn't say anything. What's going on?

- There is no big problem, don't worry! We'll take care of it. I'll take a look at room.

     Sergio watched through the doorway. One of Raquel's hands was in her stomach, the other was in her daughter's hair. She was kissing Paula with teary eyes. He understood what she was trying to do, something broke inside. It was as if she apologized to her baby for this memory that she could never live with. A tear slipped from his eye. His frozen heart had almost thawed. 

     A baby ... his baby with the woman he loves. This thought suddenly started to outweigh everything. No, he shouldn't have done that. Once again he would not break his rules and throw his logic aside. He decided to go for a walk on the beach. He walked, trying not to think of anything.

     If only they were under other conditions. That time, he realized, in fear, how much he would want this baby. Yes, maybe he kept it from himself, but he wanted to be a father, a real family. But he should have done this for their small family now, most of all for that baby. But inside he felt he already loved this baby, it was very strange. He understood Raquel. It would not be easy to give up. The woman he loved was carrying their children in her womb. A piece of the two, the fruit of their love. What would it look like? He found himself dreaming about the answer to this question he could never know. Before losing their baby, he wanted to go and try to feel it by putting his hand on her wife's stomach, to meet and to say goodbye. The moment when he will be closest to his own child ... his own child...

     He started briskly towards the house. He wasn't thinking of anything else. His emotions had taken over him, but he had to decide.
When he got home, Marivi was asleep. Raquel and Paula too. He walked through the door. He kissed his wife's and Paula's hair softly. When he put his hand to her stomach with a timid gesture, Raquel awoke.

- Sergio...(she muttered sleepily)

- My dear, you fell asleep here.

- I...I was putting Paula to sleep.

- I came to get you. I can't sleep without you, you know

Raquel sat softly on the bed, shook her head lightly.
- Okay, let's go. We need to talk already.

She covered Paula and they slowly left the room without waking her.

When they got to their room, Sergio wanted to hug and sleep, but she was determined.

- Sergio, we need to talk. The longer it gets, the harder it is. We have to make a decision before time passes, it's not something we can postpone!

- OK... Then let's talk.

- Look, Sergio, I thought a lot.

- Raquel!

- Please listen to me without cutting, because it's not easy for me anyway. I'm sorry for what I said today. These hormones, you know what we go through are hard. I love you so don't be afraid of that. I don't know, when I suddenly found out about this, everything lost its importance. I couldn't think of anything other than holding her/him in my arms. Maybe you're right, it was a pregnant woman sensuality. But then I thought this was the best. All I want from you is let me say goodbye. During this time you arrange the doctor and then...

     She could not complete it. She did't want to cry, but it was very difficult. Sergio hugged her and they started crying together. Together they would overcome, mourn the death of their unborn baby, curse their fate.

     Sergio wiped Raquel's tears. He gave a tender kiss to her cheek.

- Do not doubt that I will do everything in my power to keep you and our little family safe. You were right what you said today. I promise I'll try to understand you more from now on. You deserve a lot more, Raquel. Thank you for being in my life. I love you very much and I will try harder to make you happy. And I swear I love this baby I'm sorry for saying I don't want, I'm very sorry. In other conditions, I would give anything to get this news Raquel, everything. I can't stop thinking about what we're going to name it, with what traits it will remind me of you, and which of us it will look like. This is weird, Raquel. To love someone like this without seeing them. I understand you now, I swear. But in this case we have to. There are many risks, you know. I'm very sorry, very much. I want to say goodbye to our baby too. For the good of all of us.

     Raquel took hold of Sergio's hand with tearful eyes. They lay down on the bed without saying anything. She put Sergio's hand on her stomach and her own hand on it. They hugged, closed their eyes. They fell into a peaceful but resentful sleep, hoping that they would see their baby in their dreams.