Where Sky Meets Water

Prologue

"Samuel Kenneth Reneaux and Jintara Prasansapakit, have you come here to enter marriage without coercion, freely and whole-heartedly?"

"I have. "

The three questions. I say what I have to say. The affirmative. That's what I have to say.

The air feels thick. I can't breathe. With every ticking second I become explicitly aware of the weight of my dress and the cold sweat beading on my skin.

My hand trembles. I swallow to keep calm.

"Samuel, do you take Jintara to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?"

"I do."

Everything is a dull buzz in the background. My ears are ringing and my lungs feel like they're gonna burst.

"Jintara, do you take Samuel to be your husband? Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life?"

"Ubon."

I close my eyes. Ubon. Her laughter. Her expressive eyes crinkling up in a smile. Her dark hair spilling on my sheets like a black waterfall, soft in my hands. Her hugs and sweet kisses whispered into my ears. Those promising days of youth ruined with things that don't lead me anywhere. The lies, the tears, the hands that always joined mine whenever I'm too scared to reach out. The delirious seconds of desire to taste what shouldn't be tasted. Those forbidden moments of my heart sinking into my stomach. The guilt weighing me down, pushing me deep into waters I can't swim out of. I want it all to stop.

"Jintara? Do you take Samuel to be your husband?"

I look up. Its blurry.

"Ubon." My voice cracks.

Sam bites his lips. His fists are clenched. His jaw is tight. His eyes are earnest.

He smiles. A dimple appearing on his cheek. I loved his dimples. He looks beautiful today. But, I can't. I can't bring myself to be bound with this man, I am not what he deserves. I can't ruin his life. I can't.

I turn to see the people seated, looking at us expectantly, Sam's mum having an anxious look in her eyes.

Sammy.

I feel a warmth trickling across my cheeks. My lips wobble.

I breathe in. The sharp sound echoing across the silent hall.

"UBON!" I sob.

There's a buzz of chatter across the room.

There's Te behind Sam, with a concerned look, trying to appease people.

Myra comes close from behind me.

"Jun? You okay, sweetie?" she whipers, with a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

He holds my hand and strokes on my palm. Sam. The boy I've loved and will always do so - while my heart isn't his.

He's still smiling, trying hard to fight back tears.

Clack. Clack. Clack.

She walking out. Ubon.

"Go get her," he mouths.

I'd be selfish regardless of the decision I take right now. But I'd be a heartless monster if I marry Sam and make him live a life next to a woman who can't make him happy. I don't want to drag him down on a path of sin that I've walked through.

He nods.

I'm so sorry Sam. I'm so sorry.