Keep | k.sj.

9.

I haven't spoken to Seokjin-not since my rejection. No text. No call or visit. Seeing him now on television is like a knife slashing into an already infected wound. They received their award for the artist of the year at this year's MAMA awards show. The emotion between all the men hit me like a ton of bricks. I watched through tearful eyes their acceptance speech, and when Seokjin spoke, the pain deepened.

I lived through the toll of his mental health when things were rough for them, and spent nights on the phone with him, and visits from him during this. My stomach churned at the memories of those dark nights, and now to see him rewarded for his success only proved these men will make a mark in this world. Even those I missed the live taping-seeing this playback transcended the same emotions as if I tuned in when it aired. I'm a terrible person. I should call him, but now I'm uncertain about having any contact with him.

"Ah, I hate I missed this! Look at them! Look at my boys! Ah, Taehyung!" My friend, Seunga cried as she watched the replay with me. "I know they have a new album coming out soon and I can't wait!" She exclaimed.

I smiled, knowing they did. It will release early 2019. Hence why there will be another leg of the tour. "I'm sure they are. After seeing their fanbase grow, Bangtan is on the road to world domination." I grinned.

Seunga turned to me. "You have to go with me when they perform here. I know you're not a fan, but you know them. You listen to their music. Come with me, Zee!" Her enthusiasm can be a little overwhelming sometimes, but she means well.

I'm not sure I would want to attend a concert, but she's been my best friend since I moved here. I wondered what Seokjin would think if I attended a concert. My heart thudded at the thought of his name. I eased my phone from my hoodie pocket and stared at it. I'm not sure what I expected, but I wanted something. Then again, if Seokjin were to call me with my friend over, I'm not sure how to explain having an idol's number to her. So, I scrolled mindlessly through it. "Maybe Seunga. If you get us great seats." I teased.

"You know I will." She smiled. "Well, I better go. I have to do a little holiday shopping. Plus, this cute guy works at the cafe near my apartment. I may crave some milk tea later." Seunga grinned.

"Oh, wait!" I stood up from my seat and walked over to my tree, searching for my friend's gift. "Merry Christmas," I grinned as I handed it to her.

"Aww, Zee!" Seunga's tender gaze showed her gratitude.

"Okay, but you can't open it till Christmas, though. I hope you like it!"

Seunga gave me a big hug. "I know I will! Ah! I can't wait to open it! Okay, I need to get going! I'll call you later!" Seunga eased from our embrace and gathered her purse and coat. "Remember, we meeting at Daejung's next week to go to the festival of lights at Lotte World." My friend reminded me.

The minute her friendly reminder slipped from her lips, my heart pounded against my chest. "Yeah, I didn't forget." I smiled. I escorted Seunga to the door and closed it behind her. It was easy having someone around and I didn't think so much about Seokjin, but after watching the replay with my friend and hearing the mention of a reminder of him, my thoughts reverberated in the silence.

"I want you here all the time. Be my girl, Hazel."

I will admit the way I left him was a little juvenile, but I had to leave before I went into shock from my panic. The entire day we completely ignored the fact we had sex and then the piano and the-yeah. He knew my thoughts about dating someone in his industry. I don't want to risk our friendship, and I'm afraid I will disappoint him. I have to find something to take my mind away from this.

Seunga and I made a little mess with our take-out, so cleaning up will help me sort my thoughts. I considered everything regarding my friendship with Jin, nevertheless; it didn't ease my fear. I wish I didn't have to keep him a secret from Seunga. She's the one I'm closest to and I would appreciate her insight. If it were someone different, this would be easier.

Once I concluded cleaning, there was a knock on my door. My hopes spiked, assuming it was the man on my mind. I made sure I looked decent enough before opening the door. My heart skipped for a different reason.

"Hello, your company has been requested, Hazel. Shall we?"

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