The Aftermath

Chapter 7

Two months later

I miss you.

You stare at the message on your screen for what seems like the millionth time since it first showed up a few weeks earlier. Your fingers hover uselessly over the keyboard but you don't know what to say. I miss you too. I'm ready to come back home now. I think we should talk. All of these thoughts and possible responses flash through your head but none of them feel right to just send through text. You had been hiding at Pepper's for too long now, desperately trying to sort out the mess that was in both your head and in your heart. You did miss him. You wanted nothing more than to go home but you still had no idea of what to say to him. No idea of how to explain the things that Sam had pointed out. You had loved Steve. Of course you had. You and Steve had planned on spending the rest of your lives together but.... You sigh and put your phone down, leaving the message unanswered and adding to your already substantial guilt. You hadn't heard Pepper enter the room and almost jumped out of your skin when she layed a gentle hand on your shoulder.

"Honey, why don't you just go home to him and the two of you talk it through and work things out?" she asked as her eyes scanned over you with concern. You hadn't told Pepper exactly what had happened between the two of you but you figured that she had glimpsed enough to piece enough of the picture together. You nervously twirled Steve's ring around your finger from where you had yet to remove it. Subconsciously reminding yourself of the betrayal you were committing everytime you so much as thought about Bucky. "What if Sam is right?" you admit your fear quietly to your friend and the only remaining family that you had left. "What if I am to blame for how everything has turned out. It's my fault that Steve left...that he lost his best friend after everything they had been through. I was with Steve for eleven years Pep. Eleven years and he is barely out of my life and suddenly I'm moving on like it's nothing...and not with just anyone...with Bucky." You gnaw nervously at your bottom lip as you continue, "Besides...maybe he's changed his mind. Maybe he regrets what happened between us. It's been weeks since he last reached out...not that I blame him...but maybe it's for the best." Pepper pries your hands apart and gives you a stern, motherly look. "(Y/N) Stark, you listen to me. You can't put so much weight into what Sam said when he was upset. Steve was his friend too and he was hurting. I'm sure he said some things that he regrets. And as for Bucky...it has been six months since Steve made his choice. Steve left you. No matter how you look at it, Steve is the one who made the decision to walk away from your relationship. You have to stop beating yourself up over a decision that wasn't yours." She wipes gently at the tears that you don't realize are rolling down your face. "You deserve to be happy honey. No one expects you to pine over Steve and what could have been. Just...try?" you nod and embrace her, grateful for everything.

"Mrs. Stark, Ms. Stark...there is something you may want to see," FRIDAY announces as she pulls up an image of a live newscast that is announcing a new Captain America. "What the fuck?" you breathe out in shock when a man you have never seen before takes center stage, hefting up Steve's shield that he had passed on to Sam. Ready or not, the decision to get off your ass and stop hiding had just been made for you. You barely think about your actions when you lift your phone to your ear, waiting for an answer. "(Y/N)," he greets as if he had been waiting for your call. "Hey Rhodey, I need a favor."
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"I can't believe you kept this here," you say with a little wonder as you pull on your stealth suit that reminded you so much of the bodysuit Nat always wore. "You know how sentimental Tony was," Pepper says with a sad smile that you return as you belt your weapons and equipment into place, feeling a strange sense of comfort at their familiarity and weight. You look at your reflection in the mirror and take a shaky breath, the last time you had suited up, your life had been in a completely different place. You had been preparing to get half of the universe back and everyone you loved was still alive and there. As they had frequently over the past few months, your eyes snagged on Steve's ring but this time, you closed your eyes and did what you should have done months ago. It felt strange, twisting the ring off of your finger, a mixture of relief and heartbreak. When you open your tear blurred eyes, you aren't surprised to see Pepper standing next to you, ready to offer her support. "Will you...will you keep this safe for me?" you ask in a wavering tone as you drop the ring into her outstretched palm, knowing that one day, when the hurt doesn't feel so fresh, you may want it again as a happy token of your first true love. "Of course," Pepper says with warm understanding before you take your leave.