The Aftermath

Chapter 9

The three of you waste no time traveling to Berlin, making plans for Bucky to visit with Zemo in prison the next day. When you touch down, you all head straight to a nearby hotel where you had reserved two rooms, one for Bucky and Sam and one for yourself. You bid the boys goodnight before retreating to your room, intent on showering off the stress of the day. Aside from Sam's attempt at addressing the matter, none of you had talked about the revelations that had come to life during your group therapy session and you weren't entirely sure if you were pleased or disappointed by that fact. You take your time showering, allowing the hot water to run soothingly over your knotted muscles as your mind frantically played and replayed every one of Bucky's words and reactions from the day. The water runs cold before you finally emerge and wrap yourself in a towel before padding into your bedroom to retrieve clothing, only to come to a halt when you are greeted to the sight of Bucky perched on the edge of your bed. Like you, it appears that he has bathed, his short hair shimmering with the dampness of water droplets and his uniform traded in for a dark t-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. His eyes scan over every inch of you and you swear you can see them turn darker, the steel blue taking on the stormy color of an ocean during a hurricane. "I was starting to wonder if you had slipped down the drain," he says casually as you pull the towel around yourself a little more snuggly, feeling bare beneath the intensity of his gaze. "I wasn't expecting company or I might have gotten out sooner," you reply back as lightly as you can.

A small silence stretches between the two of you as you eye each other heavily before he finally breaks it. "Did you mean it?" his voice so gravelly that he has to clear it before clarifying, "did you mean what you said earlier? About being in love with me for the past seven years?" You swallow the knot that has suddenly formed in your throat as you nod and when he waits, clearly expecting you to elaborate, you hold up a hand before ducking back into the bathroom to trade in your towel for an oversized robe that you secure tightly before returning to the room. You walk over to the window, pulling aside the curtain enough to peer out over the city without being seen by passersby, deciding that focusing on something else made it easier for you to speak the words that were rattling around in your head. "I can't pinpoint exactly when I started having feelings for you," you admit after a long moment, "if it was while we were trying to escape Bucharest or when we were fighting in Stuttgart or after...but they were there. Small but there." You sigh heavily and run a hand through your wet hair as you tried to decide where to begin. "I loved my brother," you say casting a quick glance at Bucky and seeing his brows furrow slightly in confusion at the change of subject. "Tony was the only family I had for a long time and he was a great brother. When the whole debacle with the Accords happened, it hurt both of us when we ended up on opposite sides of the debate. I stood up to my brother because I thought that the Accords were a wrong step to take...he thought that it was because I didn't want to go against Steve..." you pause again as your memories flow together in a muddled mess that you try to straighten out as you explain. "Then we found you...and for me at least, it became about more than just the Accords. Somewhere between finding you in Bucharest and the fight in Siberia...I scared Tony...hell, I scared myself when I disabled his suit during that fight. I was willing to give up everything...to ruin my relationship with my family just to save you and that was something I couldn't explain. Looking back now, I know why....Tony knew...even Steve knew at the time but I...I wasn't willing to acknowledge it then. I cried when you went back under and Steve confronted me about my feelings then. I tried to chalk it up to being tired and emotional because of the rift that had divided our team...our family...but he knew...even if I didn't, he did. He tried to leave me then and I panicked. We had been together for so long at that point and had went through so much. I wasn't about to throw it all away because I had potentially developed a little crush on his handsome friend." You heard a slight intake of breath from Bucky but you continued on.