AWAKE.

Prologue

I never listened to a live band before. Any festivals, clubs, or events I've been to where someone was playing, I never took the time to appreciate their craft. Tonight, as the jazz band played their wind instruments and piano, I found myself in the moment. I didn't know a thing about music notes and melodies yet I felt I could sing a song to the one they're playing. I close my eyes and I can see myself dressed in a white dress, dancing around in the darkest of rooms, mouthing words I couldn't hear. When they stopped playing, I opened my eyes and found everyone staring at me.

"Are you okay?" Derrick ask me with confusion written on his face. "Did you hear what I just asked?"

"I'm sorry," I apologize to his family sitting around the table. "I checked out for a bit, but I'm back."

Derrick didn't look please with my response, but he's not ignorant to the way I responded. The past few days, the cold shoulder was all he ever got from me. My hollow inside was taking over and he was to blame. Though his family were great people, his sister was my best friend, he was their dirty secret. He was the exact thing that they defended but they knew he was guilty. They watched him ruin women lives for years and said nothing when it was my turn. They looked away instead of facing what their son and brother really were, all because they're reputation was way more important than the emotional and physical abuse their son majored in.

"So you didn't hear anything I just said before?" Derrick questions and I just nod my head no. "I asked if you could follow me somewhere." He clarifies.

He stands up from his seat and holds out his hand for me to take. I was hesitant to go with him, scared that he'd find a place to discipline my behavior. Derrick guided me through the table of people, towards the center stage where the band was playing. A room full of people staring at us like we've come to steal the show. As soon as Derrick reached for the microphone, I tried to hide my face in embarrassment. I didn't know what he was up to, but the thoughts in my head made my stomach feel weak. I didn't want to hear his insincere congratulations about me finally passing the bar exam. I didn't need the pitiful looks of his family who felt so gracious to provide me an opportunity to work for their law firm. Most of all, I didn't want to be celebrated while my mind was else where. I just wanted the band to keep playing, the wine to keep coming, and for both of them to mix my head until I stumbled in the world of Oz.

"Hunter, I know we have our ups and downs." Derrick speaks into the mic, more eyes zooming in on us. "But what I love about you the most is your drive to get through it all."

             I literally felt like I was going to barf, I didn't know if it was from this sixth glass of wine or the bull shit words coming from his mouth. Our definition of ups and down must have been different. When things were up in my opinion, we were spending lots of time together and enjoying the spontaneity of tomorrow. But ups to him was me choosing to brush things under the rug even when they bothered me. My downs consisted of him constantly making me feel insecure about being enough for him while he did questionable things. To him, our downs was when I decided to give him the cold shoulder or something, forcing him to handle me with force. Finding out that he's been cheating on me with the receptionist at his family law firm, was not a down I was willing to get through.

"You've blended very well into my family, sometimes I feel like you're more fitted for them than I." I could hear his family chuckling as the vomit started to build up in my throat.

            More lies. His family didn't give a damn about me. For a while I thought they really did. I worked hard on showing them I was intelligent, independent, and worthy of their family name. Denise, his younger sister, was my only friend out here. She was my roommate through college and I told her everything about myself, even the embarrassing moments that I weren't proud of. I respected them all for who I thought they lived up to be but I was fooled. They all knew Derrick was cheating on me, they had to know. Instead of telling me or even telling him to stop, they all pretended like they didn't notice him and the receptionist working later almost every night of the week.