AWAKE.

1. REM CYCLE

"Some where deep down in the boroughs of shame,
There lived a girl with a beautiful name.
A striking beauty so frightening like thunder
Watch out, watch out
Because here comes Hunter"

My mother's song played on repeat as I jumped around like a ballet in the darkness. I hated the song but the smile and grace on my face said otherwise. I must have down about a thousand brisé and a million ciseaux before the final curtain drawn. I bowed elegantly as the sound of people applauding drummed in my ears. When I finally looked up, expecting to see people, instead I find myself in a room I haven't seen in a long time, filled with people I nervously anticipated to see again. As I walk closer into the room and as I walked past each of the three people, they hand me a bouquet of roses. When the last bouquet reaches my arms, the darkness I've been swimming in, began to turn to light, blinding us all. I hold my arm up to protect my eyes but when I peeked to see what it was, all the pain started to come back...

"She opened her eyes!" A female voice screams. "Nurse! Nurse!" The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't see who it was because the bright lights were still blinding me and trying to move my head was very painful. I finally give up trying to see and just close my eyes again.

Back in that small room that I vowed to never suffocate in again, except this time there was only one other person in the room with me. My mother was laid out on the couch, fresh off a high. When I was a kid, I would find a blanket to throw on her because I knew it would be a while before she'd wake. Then I would take her food-stamp card and get the twins dressed so we could go the market and find something to eat. I was only ten, but I took on a lot of her mother's responsibilities because I didn't want us to be taking. Reminiscing about that time set me back in the mind set I've had since I left for college. Instead of watching her, I decide to turn around to leave out the door, but as I was leaving, Lucas was walking in, holding each of the twins in his arms. I froze at the sight of him. I thought he would do the same, but he walked right past me as if he didn't see me at all.

            I watch him sit down my brother and sister then walk over to the same tray my mother used before she slouched on the couch. He picked up a syringe needle and stuck himself in his arm. Suddenly he began shaking. His mouth began to foam up and he started falling off of the couch. As the twins cried, my mother dozing off, I ran over to him to him to check on him. I kept trying to hold his head up as I screamed for help to my mother but it had become evident to me that no one was listening. 

           I didn't like Lucas but I didn't hate him either. My mother had me very young and she and my grandmother got into it often. I can still remember sleeping in places that felt so unsafe, even to a kid like me, just because my grandmother kicked my mother out for some unknown reason. When Lucas came into our life, I felt more secured. He gave us a home of our own and my mother seemed happier. I had my own bed, my own toys, and my own family. But after the twins were born, things changed a lot. Both my mother and Lucas started acting different. Sometimes they weren't as happy as the fairytale I thought of. Although I still had a safe place to lay my head, I found myself trying to protect the twins ears from their parents screams. As bad as it got, they stayed together until Lucas's death.

           I was too young to understand what he died of and ever since, my mother's been to high for me to even ask. But the older I got, the more I saw her self destruct, I assumed that whatever it was, it had to be from drugs. And just like that, things started to get worse again. I didn't want to relive this life again, I didn't want to vision my horrible thoughts. I step away from Lucas's body and watch him go still before it slowly began to fade away. I didn't realize I was crying until my tears replace where his body was...