The Poet

10

Giana

After eight months of living in my mom's house, packing it up, and grieving, it was time to leave H-Town. My brothers decided to try alternative schools to start playing ball more. My phone rings as I'm putting the last box on the truck. "Wassup killa?" Rafael's sweet voice rings through my AirPods. "Just put the last box on the truck, the boys are finishing up with the cleaning, and I'm meeting with a buyer tomorrow. How's home life?" I ask, grabbing my phone from the counter and sitting on the floor. He's looking at his computer screen and bobbing his head. "I am working on some new songs, new scripts, new skits, and working with new people." He says, smiling. "So amazing as always." I laugh out. He shakes his head, and then we talk about the twins and their plans when we get to California. "Where will the new home be?" He asks, shifting some papers around on his desk. "Found a spot in LA that I like, found one in San Fran that is close to my school that I love, and found another spot in Berkeley that is to die for," I say, putting my hair up in a messy ponytail. "Well, we absolutely cannot go with the place in Berkeley because 'to die for' is unacceptable," I laugh as he makes a face at his statement. "San Francisco is just gross. Too many artsy-fartsy folks," he continues with a shiver, and I die. "I'm one of those artsy-fartsy folks, remember?" I laugh out, wiping my eyes. "Exactly!" He says, laughing. "And the LA spot?" I ask. His smile fell for a brief moment. "I mean, LA is cool." He says, rubbing his chin. "I've been thinking of moving there myself, honestly." He says, clearing his throat. "Really? That's dope!" I say indifferently. "What about Lake Tahoe?" He says, and I look at him crazy. "You're funny. Do I look like a rich white woman to you?" I ask, laughing at his suggestion. "No, but you might luck up and marry a wealthy white man one day." He says. "Shut up! You're not even completely white!" I say, rolling my eyes. He laughs, and then someone knocks on his door. He mutes his phone and then answers it. He stands at the door talking to someone, then it gets heated, and then a woman pushes her way into his place. She started pointing and getting in Rafael's face, and then she pushed him and tossed all his papers on the floor. He said something to her, clearly trying not to slap the taste out of her mouth, and she started getting crazy with him. His neighbor comes in and grabs the girl as the cops rush in and take her out. The way my feelings are right now if he asks, I'm not sure what the response will be. He gets on the phone, and for a second, he stares at me. "Ra, you don't have to explain or apologize. We aren't together, and I understand what it's been like. Just take care of your situation." I say, getting up off the floor. He looks at me with sad eyes as he tries to figure out what just happened. "Can I call you back? I just need to figure out what that was and some next steps on how to fix it." He says, texting someone. I hang up and dock my phone. I walk around the house, taking out the trash and closing up the truck. I check on the twins and then shower and go to sleep.

The house closed within two days, and after we gave the new residence the keys, the twins and I were off to California. We settled on Santa Barbara in a nice Spanish-style home with a huge pool. This house was my mom and I's dream home, and with the sale of the Houston house plus the money she and my dad left me, I bought it outright. We pull into the gate and park the truck. I put in the code for the key and unlocked the house. It has 5 rooms and 4 1/2 bathrooms, a den, an indoor pool, a sauna, and the biggest kitchen I've ever been in. The twins run around the house in amazement. They hug me and pick their room. I go with the master bedroom and start bringing everything in. I decide to take a different approach with the decor. Boho chic. I dress it up, organize my closet the way I like, and order furniture for delivery during the week. This feels so good. My brother and I spend the week shopping and decorating the house, making it all homey and whatnot. Today, I took them to my old apartment to box it up and move that stuff in. My lease was up on Friday, so I had three days to move everything. I had some movers meet us there, and when I showed up, we got to work. Packing up my room, I hear Chris say, what's up to someone and then multiple footsteps. I walk out of my room to see Rafael, Jason, Mario, and two other guys. "May I help y'all?" I ask, looking at them stand in the middle of my apartment. "Can we help you?" Mario asks with an attitude. I laugh at him, and they start grabbing boxes and taking them down to the truck. After we finish loading it up, I invite everyone to follow us back to the new house to celebrate. We stopped to get food and drinks, and snacks for the house on the way back. We get to the house, and the guys help unload the truck and set everything up. "Damn, sis! You win the lottery or something?!" Mario says, dropping my pillows in the living room. "No, but my parents were mad rich." I say, laughing. We set up all the rooms and then start eating and chillin'. We played charades and board games and had a movie night. Once the twins went to sleep, the adults poured up some drinks,  smoked, and played 21 questions. "Alright, G, question 15, why did it take you so long to come back?" Mario asked. "Well, I was grieving, of course, and a blast from the past ended up at my door, so I had to handle that." I say, taking a sip of my drink. Rafael makes a face and scoffs, finishing off his whiskey. "You have something to say, Rafael?" I ask with an attitude, also finishing my drink. "Nah, but question 16, which 'blast from the past' was it?" He asks, pouring another cup of whiskey. "Does it matter?" I ask in annoyance. "Did you fuck him?" He's quick with these questions tonight. It has to be the liquor in his system. "Did you fuck her?!" I yell slightly. He starts laughing and walks into the kitchen. "You know, for someone that made it very clear that we're just friends, you ask some hella unnecessary ass questions." I say, grabbing my phone. "I'm not doing this with you, bro." He says, sitting on the opposite side of the room. "Nah, you seem to have the most questions, bro. Like you wanna talk about something or get something off your chest. What's up?!" I say, standing now. I fold my arms across my body to seemingly protect myself from whatever will come out of his mouth, but all he does is look at me and laugh. Like really laughs. "Nah, you got it. This told me everything I needed to know, and I'm over whatever the fuck I thought I felt." He says, lifting his glass to his lips, and that, for some reason, pissed me off. I knock his cup out of his hand and start yelling at him. He stands up, and I start pushing him. He got closer with each push to him, and his smile got wider. Assuming he heard enough of my mouth, he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder, carrying me into my bedroom and throwing me on the bed. His lips crash into mine, and my face goes hot. I pushed him away, but he kept coming back. With every advance made was an attempt to keep him away from me. I blackout and feel my hand stinging, and then I see Rafael with his head down in defeat. "No! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TOUCH ME AFTER WHAT I SAW! YOU HAVE NO MORE ACCESS TO ME OR MY FEELINGS AFTER WHAT YOU SAID!" I yell, my voice laced with hurt and tears streaming down my face. "You asked for space, and now you're mad I gave it to you?! How in the hell does that even make sense, Giana?!" He says, moving away from me. His face was starting to puff up from my slap, and I wanted to kiss it and make it go away, but I'm also hurting right now. "Yes, Ra, I wanted space, but that didn't mean 'fuck your ex and forget me!' Like all I asked was for some time to process my mom's death and everything after!" I say. He threw his head back and laughed, "Oh, so your blast from the past was supposed to go unnoticed?! SO IT'S FINE FOR QUEEN GIANA TO HURT WHOEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS, BUT NOBODY CAN FUCK HER OVER, RIGHT?! THE SUN RISES AND SETS ON YOUR ASS NOW OR WHAT?!" He yells as he paces at the end of the bed. "I'm not saying that! I'm just saying-" he cuts me off. "You're saying my feelings don't matter is what you're saying." He continues, then he stops pacing to breathe for a second. "I'm so tired of people taking advantage of my niceness. I cared about you, G. I fucking did. I beat myself up so much about crossing that line with you that night and everything after that. I told myself I should've just left you the hell alone, but I couldn't. I couldn't help myself." He says, wiping his face and starting to laugh manically. It wasn't his fault. Not even in the slightest. I wanted him more than anything in the world and would've moved heaven and earth to have him, but shit just went left too quick. "I didn't have sex with him, Ra." I said, moving closer to him. "Don't do that. Don't try to make me feel good." He scoffs. I hug his neck, but he pushes me away. I sit back on my knees, listening to the guys' laughter from downstairs. "Was it the one from Benihana?" Ra asked. He hasn't looked at me in 20 minutes. Not even a glance. "No. It was a friend of the family. He bought the house and offered his condolences. Well, he and his wife did." I say just above a whisper. "His wife." I hated when he did that stupid shit. Like why make fun of it? What's the point? He walked into my bathroom and shut the door. He turned on the water in the sink and then I heard a frightening yell. "FUCK!" Fuck. Mario and the guys came knocking on the door while Rafael let out every frustration he held in. "Everything okay?" Mario asks as I open the door. "Yeah, he's just feeling his feelings." I say, wiping my face. The guys walk into my room and knock on the bathroom door. Rafael lets them in, and I walk out while they talk. You blew it. Wasted two years and great sex, and for what?! TEARS!? "Shut up!" I say, face-palming myself and searching the cabinet for some sweets. Sometime later, the guys come downstairs and into the kitchen for some food. "Snacks?" Jason asks. "Yeah, they're in the pantry." I say, pointing to the big closet in the kitchen corner. The guys go in, and I walk into the living room, where Rafael sat on his phone. I force my way onto his lap, hugging his neck as tight as my short arms can go. I wrap my legs around him and almost melt into his body. " This isn't an apology." He says, finally wrapping his arms around me and hugging me back. "I apologize for being a rude bitch instead of being straight up with you." I say, leaving kisses on his neck. "I apologize for what I said to you and how I said it to you. I got in my feelings too much and let them handle everything when I shouldn't have." He says, rubbing my back and accepting my kisses. Two years and no title, and that's fine because what's understood doesn't need to be explained.

He closes his eyes and hums in contentment. "I have something to share with you." He says, eyes still closed, voice barely above a whisper. I kiss his nose, and he laughs at me, whispering the cutest 'Thank you' I've ever heard. He clears his throat and starts speaking to my heart with his eyes still closed.

Sunkissed skin
Dimples that are so deep you can swim in them
I get lost in her eyes from time to time
They are the greatest disguise
For the feelings, she hides
Under the safe assumption that she has to ride
For the people or a person who doesn't even notice the little things.
Like the way she wrinkles her nose when she thinks something is frustrating
And the slick way she throws out her favorite movie lines when shit gets awkward.
Or the subtle way she taps you twice when she feels happy
She came in like Katrina
Flooding my senses with her scent
Lavender and honey
Making sure that my heart was hers from day one, and I don't think she even knew it.
Her eyes
Filled with light and love and
And
Honey
Honey brown
I was stuck and didn't care to get out
Why?
I haven't figured that part out yet
But
But

He stops, and I lift his head.

But nobody ever knows the inevitable forevers
They know that at that moment
Caught in the oceans of honey
That they don't mind being stuck
They don't notice
And they live life swimming in a pool of
Lavender and honey

"Get out of my head, you freak." He says. We laugh and share a sweet passionate kiss filled with lavender and honey.