All that Glitters (Alice in Borderlands)

Prologue

My Head hung at the end of my rope, the strands being pulled taut and the fibres almost to the snapping point, I thought to myself 'I still have to continue living. For him, for us.' I have spent ages trying to make up the time that has gone without seeing him smile, having a conversation, or hell, even a glance of understanding across the bustling school hallway.

I lost him for such a long time, he vanished and now I'm here with him. In a land of grief, anxiety, chaos and unfulfilled promises , I somehow found the 1 person that had been missing in my life, the 1 puzzle piece that fell out of the box and between the floorboards, forgotten to time itself. But I got the one; The one that got away. 

I can't help but think of his radiant glow, that silent yet authoritative nature of his. We had met in school, and were instantly drawn to each-other. At the time we met, I was doing terribly in school and he performed well academically, so, even though it ruined his personal integrity and self image, we had developed a system for tests by little tells that were only explainable to us, by him doing specific actions and tells according to the time, an example being that if there was an 5 in any position and he dropped his pen by 'accident' then it'd mean the answer for the next question was A; He'd only be able to do it once per test to not draw suspicion, but it helped me not flunk in my classes. Our brains were somehow linked it felt like. My time with him flew like a bullet from a gun, until I no longer heard from him, no texts, no calls, no notifications, no nothing. It was like he just ceased to be in the world, like he died and nobody felt the need to inform me; A Week of nothing turned into 2, which turned into a month, which subsequently turned into 3 and then suddenly an entire 5 months had passed with no clarification or notice that a human being had ceased to react or taken notice of. It shocked me, the way that his entire being was essentially ripped out of the notebook called life and set on fire with a lighter, the ashes then being forgotten about, not even cleared up. But after the wait, I took his disappearance and therefore his search into my own hands. He cared so much about me, to prevent my own failures  and shortcomings, so why shouldn't I reciprocate it? Just to prove to some incomprehensible being that his life meant something and wasn't a fluke - a flaw in an apparently perfect system?

My search was worth shit. No leads, no notice, no words. I had began to lose hope, wallowing in my fruitless attempts to find him. My room had become unrecognisable, with missing posters covering the floor and boxes stacked as high as the ceiling, I had began to sleep on my couch as my bed had been covered in boxes. I was living a life of squalor, just because I wanted a reason for a man I loved no longer being recognised to the world. A Man who when I looked up at his face I saw everything, his glasses that framed his face, his short well-kept hair, his attire suited to that of a well adjusted person in society. I began to tell myself things that were bottled up inside me - Why would he ever love me? I'm a nobody who's life is a wreck. I'm nobody. I'm worth shit. I'm inconsequential. It all suddenly became too much. I wanted to go out, in a last hurrah to a useless life. 

I wanted to go out on a bang. Live my life the way I wanted to and die young. I wanted to break all the rules, and then dive off a skyscraper, plummeting to my death. 

I left my apartment, prepared to live out my final night amongst the glimmering lights of the city, passing street to street to appreciate the meaningless beauty for the final time. I crossed the screen until suddenly... lights. A light so close it knocked me... down. The truck had just struck me. 

When I woke up, it was a new day, in the middle of that same crossing. Tokyo seemed ruined - dilapidated even. There was nobody in sight. After about 15 minutes of just staring up at the sky I finally decided to move around to see if there was any people. I strolled for a while, finding nothing but several tents set up in the middle of the street. When I went to see one, all it had said is 'VISA Days Remaining - 0.' It showed a crossed out 3 of Spades card and nothing else but the text. I snooped around nearby the tent, and when I looked inside.... I saw the dead body of a young woman, her face pierced with some sort of hole, as well as some wounds on the side of her body, probably because of something similar to a chainsaw . It was shocking. Her decomposing body made me wretch in disgust. I ran, I ran to find some place that was just simply better than that. When I stopped running, It was approaching nightfall, and as I had begun to lose hope, I noticed something catch my eye.