Ones We Regret

Chapter 9

March 2015, California
Alira

Professor Kingsley, in a word, is adventurous. He doesn't give a shit about the rules and regulations or repercussions. He is just as wild and passionate as me. We've done work worth ten people together in a ten days and even Mrs. Locke was surprised at that. We make a good team, that's what he said and it brought a swarm of butterfly in my belly. We've grown close and I've started feeling less lonely when I was with him. The uncomfortable feeling I felt on our first encounter isn't totally gone by now but I try to maintain my distance with him at all times.

"Ugh. This is shit work." He tears the sheet for the third time and I glance at him before continuing my work. The click of the keypads fill the otherwise silent room as I concentrate on finishing my paper which was due tomorrow. I look at the time and notice it's been hours since I've come for the work and stretch my legs to remove the stiffness.

"It's late. Almost midnight." I yawn and cover my mouth with the back of my hand and take another sip of my cold coffee.

"I know. This is still incomplete." Kingsley rubs his eyes and leans forward to check the work again.

"I should go." I shut my laptop and grab my bag but his voice stops me.

"How're you gonna go back?" He asks, his full attention on me and I feel a shiver of awareness down my spine.

"I have my car. I'll drive." I grab my phone to check for any messages by dad and shut it off when I don't see any. He's just left yesterday for a flight. Being a pilot, it would take him another two weeks to get back. I know mom will never message me to ask about my whereabouts but surprisingly even Scar hasn't asked when I would be back.

"I'll be done in a few minutes. We can leave together." I nod and check my phone for another message and feel a slight weight on my shoulders. I glance up and see Kingsley's hand rubbing a stress spot and I flinch back.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you were very tensed and I know some pressure points which would help relieve some tension." He steps back and rubs the back of his neck and looks around.

"No it's fine. I'm not very tactile. I was just surprised." I murmur and lean my head on the back of the comfortable seat.

He steps forward and slowly massages my shoulder, his hand making sure not to touch my bare skin. He presses a stress point and I moan low and he freezes. I still and look up to see his pupils completely dilated, his hand warm and firm on my skin. I swallow and he resumes kneading the skin on my shoulder, his hands slowly trailing to my shoulder blades and then my back, his thumbs rubbing a line down till my lower back. I arch into his touch and his breathe coasts my ear and he whispers,

"Don't."

I still and look over my shoulder as I whisper back with a confused expression on my face, "Don't what?"

"You know what." He says, his breathe warm on my neck. He kisses the bare skin which connects my neck to my shoulder and I moan his name. He rotates my chair so that I face him and he leans in before kissing my neck again. I shiver, my hands resting on the armrest in a white knuckled grip.

"This is wrong." I whisper and his tongue darts out, licking the skin on my jugular.

"Hmm." Comes the deep sound from his chest and I grab his bicep, to push him away, to pull him in, I didn't know.

"You're my teacher." I whisper and he leans back, his light blue eyes on fire and his lips flushed and parted.

"And you're alone." He whispers back and a tear slides down my cheek. I didn't even notice when I started crying and look sideways in embarassment. I guess he's right. He grabs my chin lightly and brings my face towards his before wiping the tear with his thumb before licking it. I shiver at the act and briefly close my eyes. He wasn't really lying. I was alone. Mom won't talk to me, dad left for his work, Scar stayed with Nathan, I didn't have any friends, Nathan won't even look at me. It was just Kingsley who was here, Kingsley who listened to me and made me laugh and ordered cold coffee for me. He didn't leave me alone. He made the loneliness go away instead. I roam my hands on his chest and he shivers from my touch. Nathan never shivered like that. He was never affected by me like that and it made me feel in control, powerful somehow. So I did the only thing I wanted to do at the time, I grabbed the back of his neck and crashed my lips on his.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •

It's been two days since I have had sex with Kingsley. We didn't talk about it, instead we focused on our work. I rarely talked to him and avoided him at all costs. His messages were brief and to the point, no sign of the passionate man from two days ago. I hadn't gone back to the computer lab so I did all the work from home. It hurt but that was what had to be done. He's my teacher and a relationship between a student and a teacher wasn't looked at without contempt. It was not right. We didn't fit together. When I got back in the morning from school, I was surprised to find mom sitting on the couch in the living room drinking coffee. She didn't ask where I was, instead she just picked up her mug and went to her room. I had locked my door and taken a cold shower and didn't come out till it was time for school. When I came out of my room I found breakfast on the table, no sign of mom and I ate in silence before grabbing the car keys to go to school.

Now, standing in front of the computer lab I didn't know what I should do. Knock and go inside and start my work like I should or just tell him to email me the work again? I open the door very silently and step inside and find the room completely empty, no sign of Kingsley. I let out a breathe of relief and close the door behind me. I sit on the seat beside Kingsley's and switch on the computer. I wait impatiently and glance towards his own computer which was switched on. I slide my seat and close the opened window and squint when I see a new file on his home screen. I nibble on my thumbnail, and click the file and sounds fill the computer lab. Sounds I am too familiar with. I could easily see me on the table, my hand on Kingsley's back, his own tangled in my hair as he slammed into me. My moans and his own grunts fill the air around us and I cover my mouth with my hand to stop any sound from coming out. My naked body is completely in view along with his own. The pieces in my head come together, Kingsley looking around again and again, his sudden behaviour towards me, his position so that he was somewhat hidden from the view. Tears fall uncontrollably from my eyes and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop any sound from coming out.

I could feel a sharp sting of betrayal and anger zipping through my body and I grab the edge of the desk in a white knuckled grip. Lie. It was all a lie. All the whispered words in my ear, all the soft touches and the barely there kisses. Everything was a lie. Cold. Worthless. Unlovable. I could easily make out those words in my mother's voice, then my father's voice, Scar's,Uncle Dan's, Nathan's and now Kingsley's. I look around, for the first time at a loss of what to do. Call Scar? Go to the principal's office? Confront Kingsley? Scream? Those three words keep repeating in my ear, followed by Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I scream, the sound muffled by the hand on my mouth, as I scream and scream and scream, the sound both unfamiliar and same to me. I grab the nearest thing and fling it on the wall and hear the sharp sounds of shattering. I stop. Look around. I flinch at the tiniest movement, inhale at the softest sounds. Breathe. I inhale a much needed air. Hold. I close my eyes and open them, already making a plan in my mind. Breathe out. I slowly exhale.

I look at the duration of the video, 52 minutes and close my eyes against the fresh wave of tears. I've been stupid, giving my body away to a man like that. I can't tell anyone what happened tonight or two days ago, if this secret has to die with me, so be it.

Suddenly a voice chimes in and I flinch and look at Kingsley glaring at me from the door, his eyes on me.

He sneers at me and locks the door, "I see you've found my little secret."