Ones We Regret

Chapter 12

Present
Westminster, London
Alira

The panic attack brings memories I've spent years to forget. I let the warm air and the warm and soft texture of the seat calm my frayed nerves. I nervously rub my arm to calm the chills and the goosebumps on my skin. I don't know why but Darius' annoying scent and his even breathing somehow helps calm my jumpy body. I peek at him sideways and notice how calm and relaxed he looked, his otherwise tense shoulders were relaxed, his stiff posture now lethargic and arrogant. His finger clicked on the steering wheel rhythmically like he was singing a song in his mind.

His phone buzzed every now and then but he paid it no heed. I caught him glancing at me every now and then, but I managed to avoid his intense gaze and instead focused on the sight outside the window. It was strange truly, how we both were strangers and sitting in silence, neither saying anything to fill it but both simultaneously quite comfortable with it. A few minutes later he spoke, his voice soft and low,

"I'd need directions from here."

I give him a nod and point towards left, words failing me for the moment. He silently drives the luxurious car and resumes his tapping. I massage my temples with one hand and open my clutch with the other to look for the medication I've been prescribed to take after I've had a panic attack. Darius notices the pill bottle but remains silent, his eyes darkening dangerously and his grip on the steering wheel tightened unpredictably. I ignore his ministrations and swallow the medicine and take a sip of the water from the water bottle lying at the designated place on the side of my seat.

"I need my clutch back, Mr. Blackthorn. I have my belongings in them and I don't find you as the type to hoard ladies' purse collection." That earns me a small smirk and a roll of his eyes and he glances at me, as if sizing me up.

"Well that would be a bit difficult at the moment. I really like your clutch by the way, all branded and bought to impress. But alas, you've asked so nicely so I cannot for my life deny that respectable wish of yours. I'll try my level best to give your clutch back by the first rays of sunshine tomorrow morning." His sarcasm grates on my nerve but I keep a very colourful string of insults from escaping my mouth and give him a toothy smile. He falters for a bit as if tired before giving the road ahead his full attention.

"Right." I point out and he nods. "Right." I repeat but he keeps on driving. "What're you doing, you twat? I said right! You missed the turn." I scolded and he looked like a mother driving a car to drop off her six year old to the school. He takes a u-turn and the sodding turn and looks at me like I lack the common sense of a five year old. I mutter incoherent curses under my breath using my sailor's mouth and he gives me a horrified look.

Five minutes later we're parked in front of my house and he gives it a once over and gives me an almost respectable nod. I roll my eyes and move to open the door but his hand on my thigh stops me midway. I regard him quizzically but his wood and moss coloured eyes are entirely inscrutable.

"How often do you have panic attacks?" He queried and I felt a sense of panic and dread blossom in my stomach.

"W-what?" I sputter, my limbs spasming with unhealthy jerks. I clench my fists to stop the shaking and turn my body towards him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how long have you been suffering from panic attacks?"

"That's none of your business." I snapped and moved to get out of the damn car but he grabs my wrist and pulls me sharply towards him. I gasp when I feel his body heat and his scent and was well enough tempted to snuggle into his warmth right there like a little panda.

"How. Long?" He gritted. My eyes narrowed into slits and I glared at him. How dare he ask me such a question like he had every right to know about it? The audacity of the asshole to even consider I would tell him my weakness like a moron. If he thought I'd be like his other little girlfriends, then he was in some deep shit.

"That's none. Of. Your. Business." I exhaled each syllable with perfect clarity and his nostrils flared, an inferno igniting in those nature coloured irises.

"You don't want to tell me? That's fine but I will find out why you -

"You're gonna do no such thing you -

"Have panic attacks like you're gonna die any second and then I'm gonna end that fucking reason. Finish. Obliviate. Poof."

I seethe at his words, my brain going all sorts of batshit crazy. I ball my fists, the sudden craving for the drugs taking hold in my body. My body starts leadening, the shaking turns to uncontrollable shivering due to the craving and I suddenly feel suffocated in his car. I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him closer to my face, the sudden action catching him off guard. He inhales sharply when our noses touch and I tighten the hold on his collar.

"Now listen you asswipe. Like I said a few moments ago. You're not gonna come traipsing around in my life like Cinderella only to cause chaos and destruction and leave because your fucking time to go arrived. I'm not going to look for you with your glass slipper. I'm gonna haul it at the nearest wall, watch it break and come for you. And then I'm going to slit your throat with that very glass." I watched at my words sunk in. His muscles locked up, his eyes shooting lasers at me, his hand on my waist - when did it even get there? - squeezed unknowingly and his eyes dropped to my mouth for the second time in one night. I glance at his own soft and silken lips and wondered how they'd taste like if I closed the distance between us and kissed them. Would they be rough like I thought they would or would he be soft and gentle? Would those lips feel soft like they appear or something else? I bite my lower lip to squash my leading thoughts and his eyes darken furthermore with my action. He looks at me then, the strength of his eyes hitting me like a train and I pretty much close the distance before catching myself.

I lean back knowing what I was about to do with a flush covering my cheeks, my heart burning with a new hatred for him, for myself for being so pathetic but just then his hand slides to the nape of my neck before crashing his lips on mine.