He's always been like this. Nothing can change him. It's not horrible but I wouldn't consider it the best either. My father has schizophrenia so living with him is different and quite the experience. I tried to live with my mother but she ignored me. I dont think ive ever actually had a conversation with my mother now that I think of it. She always ignores me. It's odd but I can deal with it. My mother left my father a few weeks ago because his schizophrenic behaviors were becoming too hard to deal with. He had started to become violent and lash out at my mother because he thought she was a vision or the voices had told him to do so. I can understand why she left.
My father doesn't really like me. He likes to hit me alot and he screams at me time to time. Sometimes its actual words like, "You're not really my daughter!" or "You're not real why can't you go away?!" and other times its just nonsense. I don't mind it but sometimes it does get on my nerves. Sometimes I actually do question if i'm a real person or not. I think I am and that's all that matters. I've never been able to go to school and I've never had friends but I've never seen anything wrong with it. It's just normal for me and I'm okay with that.
My father had tried almost everything and nothing had ever worked for him. He was born with the disorder so he has had to deal with this his entire life. The doctors said that the only way they could possibly help him would be for him to undergo surgery but he didn't want that. He never trusted surgeons.
I had woken up today and it felt almost like I could feel something bad was about to happen. I went downstairs like I normally do and I went to greet my father but he started to yell at me. He said, "Why don't you ever go away?! All my other illusions leave! They go away but you don't! I know you're not real I know it! That's why nobody else ever talks to you! They cannot see you because you're not real!"
He was right, nobody else ever did talk to me. Was I not real? I mean I felt real and I was able to understand the concept of being real and that's all that really matters right? That's what I thought at least. He started to yell again. He said, "I cannot deal with this anymore. If I can't get rid of you i'm getting rid of myself.'' Then he proceeded to pick up his pistol and shoot himself. I could feel myself start to disappear. He was right this whole time. I was never real.
