SHIFTING ~ STORIES+TIPS

Mental health issues (yeah I feel like I should explain this✌️✌️)

TW: Suicidal thoughts, depression ⚠️

I know I know, I uploaded enough already, but I think that it's important for y'all to know.
I've been feeling pretty suicidal lately, and I've forced myself to get rid of some friends because my mental health is hurting me and others.
I don't think that the people who were my friends understand this, but that's understandable ofc.
I don't want to use my mental health as an excuse for my behaviour.
Getting rid of friends is most of the time not the best thing you could do.
My dumb ass doesn't agree though, it feels like I don't deserve people to care about me, I feel so stupid and overwhelmed whenever someone is nice to me.
I'm so sorry to the friends I've lost, I never intended to hurt you guys.
It just feels like it's better this way.
I think that some might know this, if not I'll explain it.

I've been diagnosed a few months ago with dysthymia (depression) and 2 other disorders.
I've had these disorders for 5 years now, I've hurt way too many people in these 5 years too.
And that's my fault, I take responsibility for the mistakes I've made.
I'm trying to become a better person.
But, do y'all know that feeling?
When you're in a toxic relationship and you don't want to let go of them even though it hurts?
That's how I feel about these feelings.

In my opinion we shouldn't romanticize disorders at all.
It's not fun, I've hurt so many fucking people because I'M mentally not doing well.
Because I'M fucking ruining everything.
It's so stupid I hate myself for all of this.
It's hard for me to apologize, has always been, writing this has made me a bit anxious.
I'm trying to become a better person, I go to therapy, I take antidepressants, etc.
Well thank you for listening, hope this cleared the situation up a bit.