hypochondria // tate langdon

things are different now

"so, lydia, how are you?" my dad asked, clipboard in his lap. i sat in front of him on the small, uncomfortable couch, arms crossed.

"fine," i sighed, staring at the floor.

"how's tate?" 

i looked up from the floor to my dad. "why would you care?" i scoffed.

"you are still my daughter, lydia." he sighed, writing something down on his clipboard already.

there was a beat of silence before i answered. "he's good. we're really good. thank you for asking," i smiled sarcastically.

"please lydia, try to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. i only want to help you," my dad gestured softly. 

"what help do you think i need?" i asked.

"well, that's what we're trying to figure out,"

"i've noticed some physical changes in you, and so has your mother," he continued

i instantly became self-conscious and pulled my knees to my chest.

"lydia, you're paler, you've drastically lost weight, you're hair isn't as luscious as it was a couple of months ago..."

i felt like crying. because i knew all of those things were true and i had ignored them for a while now. 

"oh,"

"it could be something like great amounts of stress, but i think something else is going on,"

the blood.

the coughing.

the wheezing.

"but i'm not sure what it is yet. we'll figure it out, you and me, lydia," 

all i could do was nod and weakly smile.

"well, i think that's all for today. take care of yourself lydia," 

i felt disoriented as i walked up the stairs, my hands shaking. i forced to open my door and stumbled to my bathroom where i immediately threw up in the toilet. 

i cleaned myself up and stared at myself in the mirror. 

i was a mess.

i walked to my bed and grabbed my laptop. i opened it and went to the search bar. 

my hands shook, tears brimmed my eyes.

because deep down i already knew there was something terribly wrong with me.

"shortness of breath, coughing blood, wheezing"

...hemoptysis...

...serious lung condition...

...seek medical attention...

...lung cancer symptoms...

...signs and symptoms of lung cancer...

...lung cancer...

no.

i laughed, despite tears falling out of my tired eyes.

this had to be wrong.

"lung cancer symptoms"

...coughing up blood...

...wheezing...

...shortness of breath...

...tiredness...

...chest pain...

...weightloss...

no.

i leaned back against my headboard in astonishment. 

why me.

i didn't feel sad or scared. i just felt empty.

but now that i knew i had a lung-eating disease, i could feel it.

i could feel my lungs being deteriorated with each second i was alive.

each breath.

oh god,

tate can't know. in fact, no one can know.

tate's a hypochondriac, he'll spiral. 

i'm not being selfish, i'm just protecting others from the pain and suffering. 

tate will be here soon. and everything will be normal, just like it was before.

i got off my bed and grabbed my pack of cigarettes before heading to the roof to wait for tate. 

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author's note - hi guys! i'm back!! winter break is officially on and i'm so sorry for not updating. i was really stressed with school and feeling really unmotivated, but i'm back and publishing a chapter already. so this is a huge chapter. i can't believe how far i've gotten writing this, thank you guys for your support!! i love the way this story has formed and is surprisingly well for me to write it as i go. anyways i'm going to update another chapter so look out for that!

words - 457