Isn't she lovely? (Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 12 - Old secrets.

Grace’s POV

“I wasn’t always this admired boy from High School.” He starts and I can feel that it’s difficult for him. He looks down on his shoes, starts to play with his fingers and I can even see some drops of sweat on his forehead.

“When I was about twelve years old I was an unknown boy on High School. I mean, everyone knew me by sight, but no one knew me personally. They walked past me like I was made out of class, like I didn’t exist. I was a mere nobody. I haven’t had a single friend. I always tried to…make friends, but I never felt welcome.” He stops quickly. He frowns rubbing little circles on his temples. Then he looks up again and moves on.

“Every time I tried to inject myself into a conversation nobody reacted to my opinion. Nobody cared about my opinion. I was unwanted, nobody liked me.” He looks aground with a sad expression on his face.

I feel my labial angles going down. The reason that I know this situation too well and that I lived like that for years makes me feel even more bad for him. I know how it feels to be unwanted and I don’t want anyone to feel like that, not even my biggest enemy. Yes, not even Claire.

I move my hand slowly into his direction and place it on his left knee rubbing little circles on his leg. He turns his head slowly towards me, a little smile appearing on his face. He looks back down intertwining his fingers.

“I was very down. I started to make music and it made me feel better. With every song I sang and every song I wrote I felt better and better. It made me feel free and careless for a short time. I always enjoyed those moments. I even think that making music kept me from self-harm. I started to make videos of my singing and when I was about thirteen years old, I uploaded one of them to YouTube. I didn’t want people to like me and I didn’t want to be successful, I just wanted to have a reminder of myself. I wanted to have something to live for. I set myself to do music.” He looks up to me again compressing his lips. I decide to say nothing. I don’t want to ask him things he might not want to answer.

“Time passed and once when I went to school as usual, people started to look at me. They started to smirk at me and a few even started to talk to me. I wondered what has happened. I wondered why everyone started to care about me.” He looks straight into my eyes.

“Then everything hit me at once. When I entered the classroom I heard my voice. I looked around wondering where it comes from. Suddenly I saw everybody standing around one single cellphone. They listened to one of my songs I uploaded to YouTube. When they noticed me everyone turned their head towards me. They looked at me as if I was a super-duper popular singer or something like that.” He smirks ruffling through his hair.

“It was crazy.” He says happy shaking his head in disbelieves. “This moment when they found out about my videos changed my life. I found friends. I started to play in front of a crowd. And when the guys asked me to form a band I agreed. What I want you to say is, that time can change everything and that it won’t be like that forever.”

He smiles and so does I. I am happy for him, happy that his life changed for the better, but I know that my life would never be ordinary. The thought of never having a kind of ordinary life makes me sad.

Most people are living the entire life, they find friends, fall in love, they are living together with their family in a flat or a house. But I, I’m living alone in a dirty hotel room being only so big that a small kitchen, a very small bathroom and a bed fits into. The bedroom isn’t even separated from the kitchen or the bathroom. To be honest it’s just one room. It’s one room with a bed, a kitchen, a toilet and a shower inside.

“I know.” I say looking aground.

I know that life changes but in my case it never changed for the better, it changed for the worst.