After The Truth

Tessa Chapter 55

(I know I've been lost in the sauce lately, a lot has happened in my life and I'm currently in a new relationship........anyway I'll post when I can)

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I failed him, but more importantly I failed myself......and my mother......and my father. But the part that hurts the most is that I can never have a child with the man that has impacted my life so greatly, the man that I love more than anyone has ever loved anyone. He said he wanted kids but I thought he didn't, I guess that's why I feel like I failed him. Other women can give him kids, but I can't. And having kids with him was my dream, it was what I wanted more than anything. For us to create something together that was only ours, and now I'll never be able to have that....and neither will he. My mother will never have grandchildren......I'm her only child and I can't give her grandchildren. But why, why must the universe be this unkind to me, I feel like I'm always fighting some battle. First I lose both my grandparents then Nick raped me,  the man I'm madly in love with broke my heart several times and betrayed my trust and humiliated me......I lost my dog....now this. I'm not sure I can fight this battle, I'm too tired to keep myself above the water.

Much too tired of merely living to be everyone's punching bag.

...

The door creeks open and I hear his heavy foot steps walk up to the bed, I feel the sheets move as her climbs underneath and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my back to his chest. I slowly turn to face him, I place my forehead on his chest and wrap my arms around him. I inhale his sent and quietly exhale, he gives me comfort and relief.

I still feel liked I failed him.

...

"Tessa?" His voice is delicate and soft.

I was about to fall asleep, his voice didn't startle me but it did wake me up a bit.

I keep my eyes shut.

"Yes?"

I feel him run his hands up and down my back.

"I love you." Is all he says.

"I love you Hardin."

...

One week later

...

The Christmas season just feels a bit off this year, it's been a rough week but work is good. Sam is gone and I miss her like crazy, I can't believe her dad let her live with her grandparents...but then again it wasn't like he was much of a father anyway. She writes us letters and texts me selfie's everyday, I still haven't told her we are moving......I just don't know how.

Hardin and I had been fine, neither one of us asking too much from the other. We haven't really mentioned Paris or the fact that I can't have kids, we haven't had sex either. It's just a bit of a touchy topic, I don't know why but it is. He doesn't initiate anything and neither do I, I guess we just needed a break. Who knows, it doesn't matter.

I haven't talked to my mom in a week and Christmas is right around the corner, I thought about having a Christmas party and inviting over Kim and everyone but I don't know how Hardin would feel about it.

...

I lean over the counter and slowly sip on my coffee, I look out at the falling snow. I hear his footsteps walk into the kitchen, I look up at him as he walks in shirtless with just some loose grey sweatpants hanging at his waist. I smile to myself, he pours himself a mug of coffee before he leans against the wall and stares at me.

"You should put on a hoodie, it's cold." He says.

"I'm not cold." I say defensively.

He looks me up and down and smiles before he takes a sip of his coffee.