Request by 31LouisTomlinson31
San pov
I breathed in the scent of Wooyoung's fresh smelling shampoo. My arms were wrapped around his torso as I sat behind him. Everytime he laughed, the vibrations ran through me because of our close proximity. I lived for these days. Just me, my members, and ATiny. We have been doing a lot of VLIVES lately, and I'm very thankful for this. I love talking to our fans, they truly are the sweetest people.
With this thought in mind, I look over at the comments. No one else was really looking at them so I thought that we should give some attention to our fans. The first one I notice says, "Yeosang should do another sexy dance." I try my best to not let everyone else see the humor written on my face, but it fails when Yeosang looks over in my direction with an inquisitive look. Seeing his reaction makes me burst out in laughter. Everyone looks over my way with the same look that Yeosang had and it makes me laugh even harder. Wooyoung being Wooyoung, laughs along too, even though he has no idea what is making me laugh so hard. After my laughter slowly dies down, I finally catch my breath enough so I can say, "There was a comment that told Yeosang to do another sexy dance."
Yeosang's face turns beet red and he covers it with his hands. Wooyoung's cackle fills the room, and everyone else joins along. I find it so funny that ATiny's always want him to do a sexy dance. "You should do it, Yeosang." I giggle.
He shakes his head vigorously. Apparently, he isn't up for another sexy dance. I don't blame him to be honest.
I look back at the comments so see if there is another funny comment, but what I'm met with completely changes my mood. "San is so clingy. Does he know that no one likes that?" I instantly peel my arms off of Wooyoung and separate myself from everyone else. I can tell that Wooyoung is confused by my actions but I don't know what else to do. I tried to cross my arms across my chest but I was interrupted by Wooyoung's hand reaching for my own. I contemplate removing my hand but that thought recedes. Well, I thought, this is uncomfortable.
*~*
After the VLIVE, everyone separates and does their own thing. I go up to my room and climb onto my bed. I grab my laptop and go on to Twitter. I type into the search bar, #clingysan. To say I was surprised by how much came up is an understatement. The first thing that comes up is talking about how whenever Wooyoung is around I cling onto him and I ignore the rest of the members which is ruining the group's dynamic. Isn't that a bit harsh? I wipe my sweaty palms on my sheets before scrolling down to the next one. This one says, "Does anyone else notice the looks that Wooyoung gives San when San is being too clingy. It must be awkward for Wooyoung to deal with him." I feel my eyes start to water. Is this what everyone truly thinks? Am I really that annoying? The next few things I see are all of the same sort, "San is clingy", "Poor Wooyoung", "Why is he so annoying?". I eventually got sick and tired, mentally and physically, from reading all of these Tweets that I just slammed shut my laptop.
I lay my head back, hitting the headboard in the process, and groan aloud. Why am I so pathetic? I should just distance myself from Wooyoung from now on. That would solve everyone's problems. I feel like giving up, so I just close my eyes and breathe out.
"I won't annoy you any longer, I promise." I whisper to myself.
*~*
"Ya!! San wakey, wakey. It's time for dinner, you fell asleep." A faraway voice calls out to me.
I blink away the cloudiness and sit up. After rubbing my eyes, I realise who is in front of me. Wooyoung. I remember what I told myself before, so I try my best to show disinterest towards him. I slide out of bed and start walking towards the door, before a hand stops me.
"Hey, are you ok? You don't seem like your normal self." Wooyoung concerningly asks.
I just nod my head in response and say, "Let's go eat." I see him reach out his arms as an attempt to try to hug me, but I pretend like I don't see it and walk a little faster.
After dinner, a similar situation occurs. Yunho had said how we should watch another episode of "Squid Game", and we all agreed. I plopped down on the couch, next to the arm rest, hoping that Wooyoung wouldn't try to sit next to me.
I train my eyes on the spot next to me. If he sits there then it would make everything awkward. I decide to close my eyes, as if not seeing who sits down would change who it is. Sure enough, my prayers are declined and Wooyoung sat next to me.
Out of pure impulse I say, "I'll be right back.", and leave the room. I go and wait in the bathroom to make it look like I had a legitimate reason to leave. After what I feel is a reasonable amount of time, I walk back to the couch. Instead of taking the spot I was in before, I squeeze in between Yeosang and Seonghwa. I don't dare look up, in fear that I might catch Wooyoung's gaze. My muddled vision tries to focus back up on the TV but it doesn't prevail against my cloudy thoughts.
Situations like this one take place multiple more times. I make up reason after reason, and excuse after excuse just so I can avoid being near Wooyoung. I can tell that he's noticed, heck, even everyone else has noticed my attitude. It's not just been with Wooyoung, but it's mainly been targeted at him.
Wooyoung isn't the only one who's been affected by my actions. I can also notice the toll it has taken off of me. It's like all of the energy inside of me zapped. I feel drained. I've been so used to the constant hugs and love that Wooyoung has been giving me, that my body finds it so weird to be without it.
*~*
I've just been laying on my bed for a good ten minutes, doing absolutely nothing but stare at the ceiling. When I do this, it feels like none of my surroundings are there. No desk, no lamp, no pillow, not even the bed. It feels like I'm floating in midair. One downfall of this experience, if you will, is that I never know when someone comes into my room. So, when Wooyoung walks into our shared room calling my name, I don't even bat an eye.
I feel a vicious shaking, and snap out of it. I'm met with a panicking Wooyoung. "San!! Tell me right now!! I can't take it any longer!! Please..." He pleas.
I confusedly look at him. What is he talking about? Why is he shaking me? What does he want me to tell him? It feels like everything going on around me was in slow motion.
"What...why..." Is all I can manage out.
Then, his body becomes wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. I see Wooyoung crash and burn to the ground, while saying, "W-what did I d-do to make you p-pull away?" He takes a large breath and continues, "I will change for you, I promise."
The second those words leave his mouth, I jump up off the bed and rush over and give him a hug. I feel tears racing down my face, but I ignore them. We were huddled up on the ground, a heap of tears. Finally gathering up the courage, I say, "It was the messages. Everyone said I'm too clingy with you, and you don't like it so I decided to stop. I'm sorry Woo, so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."
I hear Wooyoung sniffle before saying, "You never annoyed me. I've always loved your skinship, don't you know that? You make me happy, everything about you does, so I can't even begin to think why our fans would say that." I look up at him and he says, "You need to have better communication. Leaving me to wonder like that, leaving all of us to wonder about why you're being so distant, it's not good." Wooyoung is never stern so this change in attitude is a surprise.
I turn my head to face the ground, feeling abashed. I truly didn't know how much my choice of ignoring Woo, and basically everyone else's affection affected the group. "Don't be embarrassed, Aegi. You just need to learn from your mistake, that's all."
"Ok" I meekly replied. I wrap my arms even tighter around Wooyoung and shove my face in the crook of his neck. I once again smell his fresh shampoo and decide to shove my hands through his sleek hair. I feel him relax against the touch. I look back up at him and see red, tear stained cheeks. I cup them and say, "I promise to never pull away from you again."
