Home is a Four Letter Word

chapter eight

Senior Prom, Early April

Prom was a fever dream.

Everything was hot. Stifling. Dramatic. It sent Jake's head spinning to places it shouldn't have gone while he tried to keep his cool as the designated 'mom-friend' tasked with keeping track of Hunter and Aaron in their drunken stupor. Hunter was slurring through his plan to see if Samantha Price needed a new boyfriend by the time Katherine finally interrupted. She came up to them with a sober smile and a soft hand on Jake's shoulder, cutting through Hunter's vulgarities with a "hey, stranger."

"Hey Kath." Jake looked over to her with welcomed surprise, noticing his best friend wasn't attached to her side. "Where's Aaron?"

"Bathroom. He's past saving if we're being honest."

With a laugh and a smug smile, Hunter leaned over Jake to interrupt, crushing Jake's arm as he unintentionally put all his weight on it.

"He had like six shots 'fore we left his house. 'S probably just now catchin' up to 'im."

Katherine looked nothing short of unimpressed. The boys' behavior was predictable and irresponsible, but this was nothing new to her. Her thinly-concealed irritation was something else.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Her tone was patient, but Jake could read her discontentment from a mile away. Hunter looked into the dance floor, surprised by her question, but knew it wasn't directed towards him. He nodded in understanding and clapped a hand out on Jake's shoulder unsteadily.

"I'm gonna, uh, go check on him," mumbling shortly after, "or maybe join him."

Jake watched him walk away, stumbling only once before he crossed the room with the unparalleled confidence that he approached every situation with. For how wasted he knew Hunter was, Jake saw his friend sober up as fast as anyone could. He passed Mr. Mooney—who was stuck chaperoning this year—saluting off his temple with two fingers as he walked by.

He's such an ass.

Jake rolled his eyes and turned back to Katherine.

"What's up? Is Aaron being a dick?"

"God, no." She smiled up at Jake, her face as red as ever. "He's actually been really nice."

Jake knew it wasn't her blushing, it was just that damn hot. It wouldn't have surprised him if he looked just as bad—no, worse. He didn't know how much her makeup would put up with this sweaty night, but he watched McKenna put it on delicately enough to know it wouldn't streak.

"Oh, good. I was worried when you said yes that you might not have known what you were getting into." He joked back.

"Oh please, he's not that bad... but I'm still not sure why I came with him." She looked away disappointedly, her gaze panning into the crowded room in front of them.

Jake followed her stare out into the room, watching dozens of their fellow classmates make absolute fools out of themselves by either pretending they could dance or standing absolutely still while everyone else was jumping around them. He knew Katherine's words were somber—it washed over him like being hit with a truck because he didn't want to ever have this conversation with her, and he sure as hell didn't want to have it tonight.

"What do you mean?" He leaned down to talk to her over the sound of the music blaring that turned their voices into hushed whispers.

"I mean... why didn't you ask me?"

Shit.

Fuck.

Why?!

Do we have to do this?

He hadn't expected her to jump right into it, but she did and there was no turning back now. Jake's mind filled with fog, a wave of uncertainty washing over him as he fumbled for his excuse. His brain wasn't catching up to the racing pace of his heart, and everything seemed to be becoming a little too tight for comfort. He didn't know how to have this conversation. He hadn't had time to prepare carefully calculated answers and completely casual excuses to all of her formidable questions.

Fuck it.

"Um... what?" He fumbled to buy himself time even though he knew exactly what she said and exactly what she meant.

"After New Year's I thought for sure you liked me, I mean, I thought it was obvious. Then Aaron asked me... and now I'm just confused. What's going on?"

Oh, God. New Year's.

Somehow, however impossible it was to forget a party like that, the end of it all had slipped his mind. He was so drunk. He remembered bits and pieces—fragments of a complete night that Katherine seemed to remember like a picture she had framed next to her bed. Katherine was his New Year's kiss, but it was something so inconsequential he had written it off. I'm such an asshole. All he knew was he felt absolutely nothing and that was somehow alarming to him even in a drunken state. The rest was a little blurry.

"Oh, yeah. Right, right..."

He had no idea what to say.

Poor Kath probably thought that was a relationship invitation.

"I don't know... um... I just... Aaron's like my brother you know? And he's had a crush on you since like sophomore year... I just... I can't go behind his back... and..."

"Really?" She asked, her face caught between annoyance and genuine care.

It made Jake wince inside as he saw the expression rejection left on that otherwise joyous face.

"Yeah, I just... I can't, Kath. It wouldn't be cool to him. Sorry."

"You don't want anything to do with me?"

"It's not like that." Jake sighed, exhausted with the conversation before it even began. "I just..."

"No, I get it. Don't worry about it." She whispered, her voice barely enough to hear. "I'm gonna go. Sorry for bringing it up."

She was turning around before Jake had a chance to stop her.

"Katherine..." He called out behind her, reaching out with a hand that just barely missed her arm.

She didn't look back. There was a sinking feeling in Jake's stomach that he had just fucked up, but he couldn't place exactly why. She faded into the crowd just as Hunter did moments before, her black dress lost between dozens of girls wearing the same color. Jake brought a hand up to his chest, feeling the constricting fabric of his navy shirt as he fought to loosen the collar, but no matter how hard he tried, the air didn't seem to rush into his lungs like he had expected it to. The room left him hot and tired and out of breath, and he hadn't even done anything to warrant it. He had been standing in the corner stabilizing Hunter for most of the night, but now it all felt like too much. The lights were too colorful, the music too loud, and the smell of alcohol on his own breath made him want to sink into the floor and fall asleep until someone forced him to go home. He hadn't had much to drink compared to the other two, but he felt just as disoriented as he did that New Year's night.

Fuck.

Everything was too much.

With Aaron and Hunter gone, the crowded room had never felt so alone. He didn't know where the hell they were and he didn't trust the bathrooms enough on prom night to go looking for them. His heartbeat pounded a sickening rhythm in his ears as he pushed his hand into his chest hoping—praying—he could make it stop. It didn't work. Nothing worked. He tried blinking back the lights, thinking he could manage the way they shone down on his face if he paced enough intervals in between, but they were unbearable and Jake felt like breaking. In the moment, he was utterly convinced he was going to have a stroke if he didn't move immediately.

I have to get the fuck out of here.