Never Fade

Matthew

MATTHEW

            Last night, I dreamt away. The blaring sirens of police cars are coming. Medical Rescue has arrived. I saw faces. Unidentified faces. My sight was like a camera not focusing to capture.
Its daytime but my body is cold as night. I see Lauren’s body carried out by nurses outside the car. I smell fire and fuel. I smell death.

5:00 P.M; after I got out from work I stopped by at Jeanne’s apartment to check on her. I knocked, expecting Jeanne would open the door... but it was Peter.
Peter hugging me “ Before anything else, Thanks for taking us home last night”
“ Yeah. No problem”
“Come inside”

We got in but there was no appearance of Jeanne Earl. Where is she? In her room?
Can I got there to check if she’s okay? Or is having a high fever after the rain? Is she cold? Damn thoughts.
The apartments is partially big and wide. Flat screen TV. A few furniture, bookshelves, Dr. Pepper on the sofa cushion. The kitchen was clean and plates are well placed. Books laid on the ground forming mountains.
“ Is she okay?” I managed to ask
“ Jeanne?. Yeah, she is better. This morning, while we are having breakfast together, Jeanne was asking; How did we got here Peter? and Is Matthew okay?”
She cared for me?
“ I don’t see her. Where is Jeanne?”
“ She went out with her friends”
Friends? The last time I checked it was just Mark. Probably she went out with her college girlfriends.

Five minutes later, Jeanne arrives bringing with her shopping bags.
She froze.
I look down.
“ Jeanne! You are back”. Peter said as I stood up.
“Oh! I did not expect we have company”
I glance up holding my chin.
Exasperatingly, she said “ Oh ... Hi Matthew. What brought you here?”
“Well, I feel lonely in my apartment with the spaces I have. I was thinking to join you and Peter for dinner. Is it okay with you?”
“ Of course”
Peter interrupted “Did I mention to Jeanne that Matthew cooks?”
“No... you forgot to mention that Peter. But, well, let’s see what you got Matt”
Matt.
She is the only one who calls me that.
“ By the way, I need to go to the grocery store to buy the ingredients needed.  While Matthew prepares in the kitchen”
“ Do you want me to go with you?” Jeanne asks.
No. No. Don’t go anywhere Jeanne.
Her brother demands “ You just got home, Jeanne. Just stay here”
Good.
Then, Peter walks out of the front door.
And Jeanne went to her room to change.

I walk into the kitchen and open the refrigerator. There’s a row of condiments in the door, strawberry jam, a box of leftover Hawaiian pizza on the middle shelf, and a completely empty gallon of milk still sitting on the top shelf.
Banging wooden cupboards, rattling containers of tin and glass, shuffling and sorting a collection of metal pots and iron pans. A culinary orchestra tuning up, clattering vigorously toward the finale, hitting the wall with a cymballic crash. Something impressive was being created.

Jeanne changes into a pair of sweats and a tank top, then steps in to the kitchen.
“ Thank you Matt. For last night”
“ No problem”
She sits on the kitchen counter. “Did we.... uhmmmm... did we??” Jeanne is breaking down the nerve. Instead she made those hand gestures, while she is trying to figure out what she was going to say.
“ Did what?” I said
“ Did we... ughhh. You know what I’m thinking, Matt”
What? Am I thinking was she was thinking?
Is she flitting with me? Or just teasing me?
If you mean a kiss. Yes Jeanne, I kissed you.
I took a huge breath “ You mean to say, did I kiss you?”
She nods.
Yes I did.
“ No. I didn’t kiss you” I said.
She face brightens “ Okay. Good” Then she look away.
I wanted to touch her. I suddenly feel like that my heart was beating so fast, that I couldn’t catch it. The palms of my hands began to sweat.
I can do this.
Then, all of a sudden, my hand fits her waist.
Stop.
My fingers grip to her waist, and I pull her closer. I found her face. Somehow, I can see the sadness in her eyes. Unsatisfied. Sad. Lonely.
My hands find her shoulder, because I have to grab something in order to steady myself.
Stop this madness, Matthew.
I looked into her eyes as if the universe is not far away. Countless stars, bright and shimmering and bold. Every muscle in my body trembles somehow I just forgot how to do the job.
I’m standing, she is sitting, but I’m positioned between her legs now that I pulled her closer.
I buried my fingers to her face, near the lips.
I want to touch it so bad. I am nervous and she is nervous, that I can hear her heart beating.
Stop before someone sees.
Finally, I let go.

And walk outside the kitchen.
Then I felt her holding my back.
I turned... and her lips touch mine.
Jeanne is kissing me.
When my lips touch hers, it’s so many things. It’s good and bad and right and wrong.
 She inhales, stealing some of my breaths.
We kissed fiercely.
Urgently.
Hungrily.
We kissed heavily, until I can’t handle it anymore.
I let her sit on the kitchen counter again, and I was in between her legs. She wraps me like a Venus fly trap. Our tongues touch and our guilt intertwines.
Jeanne moans.
I tried to breathe.
She removes my shirt as I collapse into her body. My chest drums against her chest.
 Jeanne pull back , breathless “ What if my brother comes back?”
“ I promise. It will take him a long time”
She giggled. I lift her tank top, and unhook her bra and took it off.
She unbuckles my belt, unzip my jeans , and tug them down at the same time with my boxers.
I was so hard.
Cock hard like an oak.
Her breathing is shallow.  Rapid.
I lower myself to her.
We gasp. We kissed deeper.
I knelt down and grab something on my pocket.
Condom, of course.
She is looking at me in the eyes. Exhausted but Excited.
I walk swiftly to her and somehow slides the condom on at the same time as she is pushing my knees part with her other hand.
“ I’ll make it up  to you in a few minutes. I promise, okay?” I said, pausing between my legs, waiting for her approval.
“ Matt” She say, “ I don’t care about any of that. I just want you inside me”
“Oh God” I sigh.
I took her leg and our lips collide again. I thrusts myself inside her so unexpectedly hard and fast, that she practically scream in my mouth .
In fact, I didn’t slow down. I even more push harder and deeper.
She groans against my neck. Its rough, heavy, and hot.

“Matt” she breathes . “ Oh God Matthew”.
The muscles in my legs become tight, and I begin to shake. “ Fuck” I groaned.
I pull my lips away from her and exhaled a huge breath “ Holy Shit” I say, still tense, still shaking... still pressed deep inside her.

“ Was that okay?” I say
“ That was way better”. I kissed her one more time and pull away disposing the condom.
She is breathing heavily.
“ Jeanne, let’s get change before your brother comes home” I ordered
She nod vigorously.