Theirs two foxes

Chapter 11

I stare down at the paper cup they gave me. The little tiny ones that people pull apart to put sauce on at McDonald's. But instead of sauce. I've been given medication. "These are to help with your stomach." He explains, "your strictly to drink water only so you can flush your system. The alcohol has been slowly rotting your body which is why your throwing up blood when you do." I tilt the cup back and forth, "your also going to be provided with anti depressants and admitted to north June mental health hospital to assess your mental health and to give you proper assistance on adjusting. You'll be given daily, one on one therapy sessions that will turn into weekly once you return home to make sure your stable." I stare up at him. Staring at him with such a dead look.

So they've really had enough of my bullshit?

"Unfortunately because of your stomach we can't start you on anti depressants for another two weeks so you'll be monitored for that reason too." He finishes off. "Your gonna be fine and its going to get better, just take it day by day, Derek." He assured me before looking to the tablets. 

I take a breath and slowly let it out before throwing the tablets down my throat. I take the water and drink every drop. He smiles before walking out of the room. Leaving me to my misery. 

I kick my legs off the side of the bed and stand up. The slight pain in my ankle telling me I must of landed on it when the vine snapped. 

One reminder of what I fucking did. 

I limp my way to the bathroom, opening the door and shutting it. I go to lock it but figure out quickly that I cant actually lock the door. Great. Fucking great. 

I sigh and sit down looking down to my lap and ignoring the world as I empty my bladder. Yes. Im lazy, whatever. Get over it.

I finish off and wash my hands. Turning the tap off and looking up to the mirror. I stare at myself for a while. Realising all that has changed. My lips are anything but soft and likeable. My hair is in knots and overdue a hair cut. My skin isn't soft and you can see the areas of break outs clearly. I pull my lips back and reveal my teeth that have got more then just the natural yellow tint. My tell are turning yellow from the lack of hygiene. 

I sigh and step back only to notice the very clear line around my neck. The dark red not looking at all nice to me. Its down right ugly. Disgusting. Im so disgusting. 

"FUCK" I snap angrily. Unable to keep it back. 

Second reminder of what I did.

i'm lying to you. it's not just a nasty dark red line around my neck.

tears spring from my eyes at the blunt realisation of what i actually did. and to think the only people to care are my dad and Mate. the dad that even though shared love with me, still favouritised my little brother. and even though he showed care to my appearance and body, and freaked out when he found me on the ground, we can't forget that the man has a phobia of death and dedicates most of his free time to protect his heath to whatever cost. 

my mate is my mate. we're paired by whatever supernatural being decides on our fate. what if i wasn't his mate? what if i was just some random guy to stumble drunkly into his pack? he'd not bat one eye my way after kicking me out himself. he only loves me because he's forced to.

i'm so greatful for these two poeple in my life that actually love me.......but sometimes i just don't think it's real. any of it. this is just gods game. he got bored and let satan take the wheel some days and thats why some people get dealt more bad cards then good. 

"Derak?" i hear someone call making me snap out of my thoughts to find myself curled up on the floor with my head against the sink as i sob into my arms with so much damn pain in my chest. it won't go away, "Derak?" theirs a knock on the door as i continue to sniffle, my hands slowly moving to my ribbed chest as i grip it as the suffocating pain consumes me. "Derak." the door opens to find Josh looking down at me, "Derak." he whispers, coming over and crouching next to me. "Why are you crying?" he whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder as if reassuring me.