Theirs two foxes

chapter 12

I'm slow waking up. Feeling my thoughts begin to function before my body does. 'I feel sick' is one of those thoughts. saying my head hurts is an understatement. the pounding against the back of my skull is almost enough to put me back to sleep but i can't. because theirs a beautiful scent drifting into my senses. 

i take a deep breath in, almost sad that i don't recognise this scent. a scent like that i would remember. so i force my eyes to slowly open. which raises something i want to complain about. the white lights in this damn hospital are down right stupid. it's like the people who thought of putting these types of lights in thought, "oh, i know a perfect way to wake up a suposidly ill patient. let's blind them!" or maybe it's just me. 

once my eyes are open i blink away the tiredness. i don't think i've been asleep long enough to have this type of reaction to waking up. but more importantly...what's that scent? "Derek?" i hear someone say suddenly. i snap my head open, the unfamiliar panic shocking through my body. 

Who is it?

are they gonna hurt me?

what are there intensions?

do i know them? 

but then my eyes land on this person and i can't help but to tear up, "Luke-" i croak, forcing myself up. but he rushes over before i can get to him. he grabs my shoulders and guides me back to the bed, "I'm sorry-" i sob, "I'm sorry, i'm so sorry-" i ball my eyes out as i grip onto his jacket. 

"it's alright-" he brushes away my tears and pulls my head into his chest, "what happened?" he asks and all i can think of is the way i reacted to everything Josh says and the pain, panic and utter depression that surged through me returns, along with the pain in my chest. 

"ah-" i whimper and grip my chest.

"what's wrong?" he asks when i hear the door open and close.

"it hurts-" i sob.

"Oh, Derek, your awake-oh, you've got heartache again." Josh comes over and poors me a glass of water. he holds it to me but.....i hate him....i hate him so much, because he's not my mate! i snarl at him and drag Luke down to the bed, "It's alright, Derek-" 

"what the hell?" Luke mutters, seeming worried. i look down to where i have his shirt gripped violently and instantly let go. then i look to Josh but he just smiles, but theres a touch of hurt in his eyes and i realise what i did. 

i put my hand to my chest and rub it slightly, looking between them. Josh puts the cup down and crouches down so he's smaller then me, "are you okay? what happened?" he asks softly to me. i tear up. 

"i don't know-" i shout, "I don't know!" i repeat, putting my hand to my forehead, "i missed you, i missed you so much that it felt like someone was diving a blade into my fucking chest!" i snap almost sounding angry as i direct my attention to Luke. he sits up and goes to pull me into a hug, "no-" i try to resist but my body physically doesn't want to. i sigh and feel myself relax, "i'm sorry, i just..."

"want your mate." Josh says softly, "i understand." he smiles, "but no matter who it is giving you some water, you need to drink it-"

"NO-" I shout, feeling myself start to panic which they seem to be alarmed by, "what-what if it's not safe, i can't hurt myself anymore, i can't get hurt anymore, i-i need to be-to be healthy for-" i slow down and look to my hands, then press one back to my chest that feels so tense. "what happened to me?" I mutter, "i sound so pathetic." i breath out. i look to the cup and reach to take it but it's like i'm forbidden from touching that cup, "no-" I blurt out and pull my hand back. i turn to Luke and feel lonely with the pillow thats squished between us. my breathing hightens seeing the tiny seperation.