dear soobin || yeonbin

20

tw//self harm‼️

yeonjun didn't know how long did he cry for, but he slowly calmed down and he looked out of the window, and saw that it was dark out already. he rubbed his swollen eyes and puffed out his cheeks. he reached out for his phone and his hands hovered over soobin's contact, which was blank. yeonjun sighed, and with shaky hands, he pressed the call button. he pressed his phone at his ear, bracing himself for the expected heart wrenching message.

"the number that you are calling is unavailable. please leave your message after the beep."

beep!

and he was met with silence again. he feels his lips wobble, and his heart sank. choking back a sob, he tried his best to sound cheerful.

"hey soobunny.

you were always there whenever i needed you. and now you disappeared into fuck knows where. mom told me that you were at Ansan, but still something is wrong. you'll never leave me in the dark without explanation. it's not you.

take it as if i'm begging to to call back. please, i'll go on my knees. just any sign to let me know that you are alive and well. you can even just go online and unblock me and not text me again and it'll mean the world."

yeonjun fell silent, fighting the urge to throw his phone. he hated it. he hated every single second of soobin not showing him any sign that he is out there. yeonjun doesn't care if soobin hated him or if soobin had already forgotten about him, but all he wanted was soobin to be okay.

"i think i like you soobin."

yeonjun mumbles into the phone, chewing on his lips.

"please be okay."

and he hung up. yeonjun sits his phone next to him, staring blankly at the wall. the wall which had his and soobin's pictures pasted on it. his heart swelled and he sinks down even further onto the floor.

he was filled with too many things happening today, and he didn't know how to release it. normally soobin would hold him close, but since he's disappeared, he had no one else.

his eyes slowly laid on his penknife which shone in the moonlight, and he continued staring at it. it was on the floor, and it probably dropped when he was throwing everything onto his floor just now. it was in arms reach. yeonjun could just reach forward and he'll feel bliss again.

but he was clean for 8 months, will he do it again? yeonjun slowly unrolls his long sleeves, staring at his scarred skin. it brought back a mix of pleasant and unpleasant memories, which made his stomach slightly sick.

one wouldn't hurt after all.

tw//sh starts now, i'll put an
indicator when it ends

the broken boy reaches for the blade in front of him, and he feels his lips twitch upwards with a broken smile as he pushed the pivot up, the blade in full view. he chose a part of his skin that did not have a scar on and slowly placed the blade against his soft flesh.

euphoria fills his entire body as he pushes deeper into his milky skin, seeing the crimson red blood seep slowly. he stares at it, enthralled. he hasn't seen blood leave his body in months, and seeing the blood immediately reminded him why he enjoyed cutting himself so much.

he drags the blade across his skin, not wincing as he was too conditioned to the pain already. a red, bloody cut now lay imprinted on his skin. he knew for a fact that this will scar, since it was rather deep and it was bleeding too much. but yeonjun didn't care. he was happy.

his eyes scan for another part of his arm that he hasn't experimented on yet, and he pouts after realising that there was little to no room left. nonetheless, he still continues, this time going even further up his arm and made one quick slash. blood poured out from the raw cut quickly, and his happiness came out just as quickly.

he lets out a small laugh, and he looks at his bloodied penknife, oh boy he missed this. he wiped the blood off with his clothes, and he looks at his new cat scratches again, a maniac smile plastered on his face as he looks at the blood flowing out of him.

maybe this is what happiness feels like.

end of sh

~

a/n: i clearly cannot write but it's fine 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️

but self harm is fun, but i don't encourage it. find other ways to release your stress, no matter how stressed you are.