Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer

Part 31

31

Caitlin's screams woke me again, so I lumbered out of my bed and over to hers before I was fully awake. Taking care to make sure her crisp cotton sheet was between us, I folded her into a comforting hug. "It's okay, I'm here…" I murmured. "Keep fighting it, don't let them win…"

I waited for the screaming to become sobbing before she calmed down enough to lie still again. When I was sure it was over, I gently let her down onto her pillows and stumbled back to my bed. The vinyl floor was cool beneath my feet.

"Nathan?" Caitlin's voice was quavery.

Shit. It's not over yet. No sleep for the wicked. "It's all right, I'm here," I began wearily, sliding my hand down her back to lift her into my arms again.

She gave a shudder and pulled away from me, sitting up on her own. "What are you doing? Why were you touching me when I woke up?"

Oh shit. I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly wide awake. "You've been having a lot of really bad nightmares and you wouldn't wake up. You…were screaming. Screaming for me to help you. You…don't scream as much if I…hug you." I sounded like the worst kind of deviant, watching and touching her while she slept.

"How often have you…hugged me?" Caitlin asked cautiously.

I didn't want to answer, but it was better if I did. The nurses would tell her, anyway, if I didn't. "Whenever you had nightmares, until you stopped screaming."

Her round dark eyes held a lot of things in their depths: betrayal, sadness, panic. She didn't say anything, but her eyes said plenty.

"I did it because I couldn't wake you up. I promised…I promised I wouldn't let them hurt you and they were hurting you in your dreams. I couldn't just sit by and do nothing." I spoke faster than I'd intended. Shit. It's like I told my boss, charm and a smile won't work on Caitlin. I'm fucked.

She bit her lip, still not saying a word.

"That's all, I swear! The same as tonight. It helped you to calm down, stop screaming and settle back into a peaceful sleep." I swallowed. Except the one time I went too far and kissed you, when you let me know just how much you didn't like that. Shit, don't even think about it.

Her voice was soft and she spoke slowly, as if considering each word. "That explains…some things." She didn't explain anything. Her big eyes studied me. "Nathan, could you do me a favour?"

If you let me stay like I'm supposed to after this monumental fuck-up, I'll do just about anything. "Sure," I replied.

"Next time I have a bad dream, can you please wake me up first?" Her eyes were pleading.

I smiled broadly. "Sure," I said again, turning on the charm just a little in relief. "With pleasure."

She shrank back against the pillows, her eyes wide with fear once more. "But please don't touch me."

I felt my heart shrink in response. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know how to do it without touching her. I stared at her for a moment, before closing my eyes, nodding wearily as I headed back to bed.

I got the message, all right. I was more useful asleep and on the other side of the room. I wasn't going to argue with that.