The Ghost Who Watches Me

chapter 8

 "Scarlett...please no..." he takes my hands in his. It hurts to see the sadness the washes over his face but I know what I have to do. 

"Luke, I'm sorry but I can't go on living. I always knew someday I would break and today is that day. I would rather leave this world than carry on like this" a single tear falls down my face, followed by another and another until I completely fall apart, tears streaking my face. I collapse into Luke and he hugs me so tightly I feel like I will shatter in his arms. 

"Scarlett, I've told you what it's like being dead; you can never forget the things that happened in your life. You experience the pain over and over again. Killing yourself will only bring more pain. You can't do this!" he shakes me and I can tell by his face that, if he was human, he would be crying. It hurts so much to see him like this. The happy and loving Luke from earlier is gone, now the Luke that has replaced him is the real Luke. He is the Luke that has experienced pain no human can imagine. He has had to endure so much loss and sadness and pain, he is a broken boy and I am only now seeing this. 

"I know I know, okay? But even after all I that I can't do this anymore! Please, I'm sorry but please let me do this! Luke I love you but I just can't anymore..." I look down at my hands, they are grubby and my black nail varnish has chipped. My nails almost represent my life, broken, chipped, always messy and short... 

"You love me?" I did not expect that... 

"Umm...yeah. Luke, you are the only person who has ever cared about me, the only person who has never looked at me like I am a bug they just squashed. You are the only person who understands me, and I'm grateful. I don't care if you don't feel the same way, I-I wouldn't be surprised. I-I mean err-" my stutters are stopped when his cold hand cups my cheek. He wipes away my tears with a sad smile. 

"Scarlett..." before I can reply, his ice cold lips land on mine. I'm surprised but, obviously, I come to like it. They are soft, comforting. I kiss him back, if I'm going to die, I at least want this to be my last memory. I pull back, I can't get distracted. I have to do this, or I will be tortured for the rest of my life. Luke realises this, he stares at me. He knows I won't back down, he knows he can't stop me.  

And in the blink of an eye, he is gone. But I know where he went. Another tear drops down my face; I know what will come next. Just as fast as he left, Luke returns, a kitchen knife in his hand. But it's not the knife I'm looking at, it's his face. Tears fall down his face like rain down a window. He's crying, a ghost is crying.  

"Luke, I thought ghosts couldn't cry"

"We do, it's just a very rare thing. We have experienced so much sadness that there is no point in crying. We only cry when it's really bad...Scarlett, please don't do this" all I do is take the knife out of his shaking hands. Who knew dead people could be so human? 

My vision blurs from my tears. I have to do this, I have to I chant in my head.

"Was it quick? When you did it?" I don't look at him; I don't think I would be able to take the pain that is shown on his face.