The Ghost Who Watches Me

Chapter 9

Silence. That's all there is. I feel like I'm floating, wind gently blows around me. I reach up to push my hair out of my face, my fingers brush along my neck. A bumpy scar wraps around my neck. How did it get here? I look down at my body. My black jeans are ripped, a few red stains in them. My baggy t-shirt has the same red splatters on it. Is it blood? Is the blood from this odd neck wound I have? My arms are an almost blue colour, I don't remember anything but I'm sure that's not normal. I look around. Where am I?

I'm surrounded by white. It seems to stretch on forever, a never ending sky of brightness. I can't even tell if I'm standing on the floor or if I'm floating in mid air. There are no shadows to suggest I'm actually standing on anything and I can't feel anything. I step forward and my feet land normally, as if I were standing on something. What is this place? I take another step forward, then another, and another, getting faster and faster. I am running as fast as I can yet it looks as if I'm going nowhere. I start panicking, tears falling down my face. What have I done to deserve this? What is going on?

I reach up to wipe the tears away and instantly stop running. My skin is cold to the touch. As if my skin were ice. My now dry eyes feel sunken in, and my cheeks feel thinner than I would expect, almost hollow. My whole face seems too thin to be normal. Who am I?

I need to remember something. Anything! I scream out, "Let me remember something!" I fall to my knees crying. And then it hits me. A flash of a knife in my memory. Small images appear in my mind. A knife, blood, a room, my room, pain, a boy...who is he? What is his name? I shut my eyes and concentrate on his face. Medium length black hair, pale, almost blueish, skin, his eyes are sunken in and his cheeks are hollow. The look in his eyes, almost...loving? Yes, loving, and sad. Is he crying? It looks like it. But why would a boy be crying in front of me? And why does he look so...dead? Dead...I'M DEAD! The realisation hits me hard and I fall down onto the ground wailing. All my memories come back. My parents, the fights with Nicole and Amelia, my depression and then...Luke.

Where is Luke? "Luuuuuuke!" I cry out but no reply comes. I'm alone in this horrible place. Luke never mentioned a place like this, has something gone wrong? Was my suicide so bad that I'm not even allowed to see Luke again? No, but what would the reason be? "Please" I shout to the emptiness around me, "let me go!" I lay on my back crying. This is worse than my life before, I'm actually regretting killing myself. But I had to, I knew I couldn't go on any longer, I had made my decision. But at that time I had no idea this would be what would happen to me, I never expected to be put in limbo, if that's what you can call this place. I close my eyes, I give up, I don't know what I can do this time, I can't kill myself again.

Suddenly, I get a horrible feeling of falling, wind rushes past me and I open my eyes. The horrible white limbo is gone and has now been replaced by the sky, which I am falling from. The ground rushes towards my face and I scream. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for the impact, waiting for my body to smash into the ground, but there is nothing. All I feel is the cold ground touching my skin as I'm lying on the floor. I felt no pain, it was as if I had imagined the whole thing. But I didn't, I know it. Now I am a ghost, I feel no pain. But that is the least of my worries, number one is where the hell Luke is.

I have no idea how to teleport yet so I walk along the street. My house is just round the corner, good thing I landed near by. I walk, head down, eyes dry. I will get used to this, this feeling of aloneness. I've been alone my whole life yet now is the one time I actually feel alone in this world.