Dear Husband

1

Dear husband,

Hope this letter finds you in the pinks of your health. How are you? I'm fine.

Sorry for the sarcastic start, but how do I forget the sucker for chivalry you are!

To start  with, there was nothing unusual about today to pen down this letter. Same old sunrise. I got up at dawn as usual, like every day, got myself a coffee, helped myself in the balcony and enjoyed the sunrise with my one of the few substitute companions. Coffee this time.

Coffee!

Suddenly I remember coffee holds such a great importance in my life! How can I forget this same coffee brought us together.

Coffee!

Now I am left oy with this coffee.

Sidharth, mere saath coffee date pe chaloge. I miss those days sometimes you know. Sitting in the balcony this morning for example. Hands engaged with that brewing cup of coffee, I wonder back at times when we used to sit and enjoy coffee together. Those starting days of our marriage.

I wonder what changed. And why changed! So much that you don't even have time for a cup of coffee with me these days. You seem to be so busy all the time. But for what! For whom! I understand you are ambitious, but we were happy Sidharth. We were less with money but we were happy! We were together.

Now, all I see is money all around and no trace of you anywhere in this clumsy apartment. Duplex for two! Seriously!  Isn't this space a little too big for just me!

Because you hardly seem to be here at all!

Chalo koi na. Let it be. I have learnt to move ahead with time. Time took you forward and time pushed me backwards. So much so that now I have to retort to these letters to reach out to you.

And the worst, I don't know if I would ever be able to present my letters to you ever. But if I fail, and am not around someday, do try to look at the cabinet where I stack my makeup. It's all loaded there. Saved in seclusion for you to read when you would be in seclusion with no trace of me around.

Of you are reading this, probably you are in seclusion. So.. How does this loneliness feels Sidharth. Ghar kaatne ko daud ta hai nah. Mujhe bhi kaatne ko daud ta tha jab bhi tum nahi hote the.

Chalo never mind. You know how much I love you, so you would always have a piece of me even when I wouldn't be there around you. Through this letter of mine.

I love you Sidharth. I miss you. A lot. You can't even guess how much. Come back, come around. Living like a jilted lover even though I am married to the man of my dreams feels like knife stab to my heart each day. I hope this loneliness never have to touche you at all.

I am listening to music right now, as I sit to wrote this letter to you. Music.. Bas coffee k saath saath, music bhi tumhari khami poori karta hai. Bas in sab mei tumko dhund leti hu kabhi kabhi. Aaj ka gaana... Sunna chahoge. Kabhi tumhari favorite hua karti thi ye. Yaad aye toh aankhen bandh kar woh lamhaat yaad karna. Aur na aye toh.. Koi baat nahi, us gaane aur us lamhaat ko bhi apna saathi bana lenge. Tumhari khamiyana k muhawfze k taur par.

The song.. our first song together!

" Abhi mujh mein kahin
Baaqi thodi si hai zindagi
Jagi dhadkan nayi
Jaana zinda hoon main toh abhi
Kuch aisi lagan iss lamhe mein hai
Ye lamha kahaan tha mera
Ab hai saamne
Issey chhoo loon zaraa
Mar jaaoon ya jee loon zaraa
Khushiyaan choom loon
Yaa ro loo’n zaraa
Mar jaaun ya jee loon zaraa"

P.S : I love you Sidharth. I still do.. amidst all the chaos, amidst all the differences, amidst all the loneliness and aloofness, this heart of mine still craves for you, it still awaita your return.. come back, not just physically, but with your soul that seems to have abandoned it's mate!

Yours and forever yours

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