amorem

peace

peace

it's what i've always wanted

i have always quested for it

from sailing tumultuous seas

mouth salty from sweat, seawater, and tears

to climbing the tallest of mountains

heaving for breath and bloodying fingers

completing my own odyssey and still having victory trickle through my fingertips

like the golden sands trapped in the hourglass of life

the one that counts down own very finite seconds of existence

racing against time, i try to find it

peace

there have been guides that have been written

ones penned by the smartest of humans and the dumbest

ultimately, the measure of intelligence never matters

that will not grant you with the knowledge of the universe

because that's what peace is

the secret that has been guarded and tucked away

safe from any of humanity's prying fingers

even we recognize the dangers of our wandering hands and all-consuming eyes

we wrote the story of pandora after all

which some may say is to prove the wrath and power of the gods

but i think it speaks to the dangers of not just humanity's curiosity

but our greed

greed has sowed discord in our communities

from the very beginnings of the threads of fabric from which civilization is made

it makes us want more more more

more than we need, more than we can want, more than we are capable of caring for

curiosity can very quickly bleed into greed

but peace

peace allows us to sit with ourselves

an unbearable task

and to be content

peace is letting a moment pass and sink in

peace is letting things be

we are creatures that want want want

and go go go

this drives innovation and creation

but it manifests destruction as well

want turns into war

go turns into burnout

peace is the remedy

the prized secret humans quest for in every culture

the fountain of youth

gold of el dorado

i have always wanted peace

i have always wanted to be able to fully enjoy sitting with my own miserable self

i have always wanted to be still, and to let things go instead of holding on so tight

and after venturing to find my own fountain of youth, my own el dorado

and coming back empty handed

i knew it was impossible

but then i met you, impossible in your own way

full of patience and courage, yet stubborn and short-tempered

kind and arrogant and sensitive and closed off

so achingly soft yet built so hard

you shouldn't have been possible

you shouldn't have been possible

with the way you light up the whole world with a smile

the way you make everything feel alright by existing

the way the world doesn't seem to turn when you're not around

the way i never have to try

getting lost in your eyes taught me

more than any one of those books written by worldly people

because your eyes are globes

shining with life

soaking in and reflecting back every beautiful thing i can name

the whole world, in one sea of blue

watching your soft smile makes me feel

more than any illicit substances others pump their body with

if they understood how intoxicating it is

to see the curve of your lips, the crinkle of your eyes, the scrunch of your nose

they would quit in a heartbeat

wanting to numb myself has never sounded so unappealing

because your smile makes my chest burst and sing with the best possible emotion

feeling your skin on mine makes me breathe

deeper than a drowning man coming up for air

perhaps it is because without you, i never was breathing

not in the true way that counts

the way that my lungs and diaphragm and heart fill with each inhale

and it calms my buzzing mind to a dull thrum

and everything stills

you shouldn't be possible

the way you bring me everything i thought i needed

in a way that i never knew existed

it shouldn't be possible

i had completed my voyage and adventures

i had completed my odyssey

and i had never found it

but perhaps that wasn't true at all

truthfully, i never returned from my odyssey until i met you

because, as it turned out, you've been my home all along

and so the peace i wanted to find was never about the journey

it was about the homecoming

the coming back to you

peace

it's what i've always wanted

correction:

you

you're all i've ever needed