amorem

doll

i resent you for making me love you

for birthing my blood and raising me into the shape i am now

i resent you for making it impossible to live without you

and i resent you because i likely will have to anyway

our type of love in unique

the strain and pressure turns us into something unbreakable

yet so fucking fragile

i am smothered by the weight of your love and expectation

and you are wounded by my violent coming-of-age

and yet, we still find our home in each other's arms

i resent you for the ugly parts of you

that echo in me

i resent you for the beautiful bits of you

that i didn't get

i wonder if it's the same for you whenever you look at me

the mix of overwhelming adoration

yet fear and resentment

because i'm all you ever wanted

but i prevent you from getting anything else

and i wonder if it's the same for you too

because when i look at you

i can see what i might become

the warped version of me in a future i dread to live

and maybe when you look at me

you see who you could have been

you have always worked to give me everything

sometimes i wonder if you've done that for me

because you couldn't do it for yourself

it's a complex sort of love

because when do you stop being my parent

and start becoming my puppeteer?

when do i stop being your child

and start becoming a doll?