Suddenly Everything

One

"Good morning, sweetie," Mom's sugary sweet voice greets as I round the corner coming into the kitchen.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I've moved back in with my parents, but I am staying with them for a little while. Think of it like an extended vacation or something- at least that's how I'm going to look at it. I just need a place to stay while apartment hunting, so hopefully I can be out of here soon. Although, I do tend to be quite indecisive so... there's that.

"Good morning. Do you mind if I make some french toast for y'all," I ask, already moving to get the ingredients out of the fridge.

"Oh, hun, we don't mind at all!" She smiles warmly, lifting her coffee mug to her lips.

Ever since I came knocking on their door hoping they'd let me stay, both her and dad have been extra cautious with me. It's as if I'm walking with caution tape wrapped around my body. Sure, I'm grieving. Yes, I'm going through a tough season of life. And, I do tend to shed a tear or two (translation: I sob- daily). But, I am their daughter and I don't mind if they ask me questions or want to talk about my divorce. I just don't want them to walk on eggshells around me, stressing that if they open their mouth I'll blow up on them. They know I'm not like that.

My divorce came as a shock to everyone in my family, we did a good job of hiding our falling out over the past year. Not that that's a noteworthy performance or anything, but it's the reasoning no one believed me when I sent that group text out simply letting them know. I think we both knew that being from the south and mentioning anything akin to divorce is taboo, so we put on a show we knew people would buy. I mean, I am literally getting messages from family members I haven't seen since the wedding- three and a half years ago- letting me know that they think I should work it out instead of giving in to such a horrendous act. As if I hadn't tried to work it out. They're the distant relatives we only see once in a blue moon but think they should have a say in your personal life.

I'm quite over it already- the attention that is- and it's only been a week since I filed. Five days since I came to my parents. I know it's only going to get worse as the holidays are coming up, so hopefully by then I'd have built my armor.

"So, what's on the agenda today," Mom asks.

Tearing myself out of the thoughts on the holidays and how horrible they'll be this year, I refocus myself on the cooking. "I have a few tours I'm going on later, but other than that, nothing." I will say my voice came out more monotone than I attended, though I hope she didn't notice. I don't want to give her more of an excuse to fear talking to me.

"Oh, that's nice, hun. You do know there is no rush to leave though right? We have plenty of room here and oftentimes get lonely without our kids here any longer." And, there's the guilt trip.

I'm the baby of the family, so of course that means mom holds on tighter to me than any of the others. When Cole grew up and left, mom was devastated, knowing she had to let her first baby grow his wings. Then, when Elle left, she made it seem like it was routine and she was prepared. Same for Holly, honestly it was like she was a pro at the whole 'watch your kid leave' thing. But, when it came to me, she begged and begged that I would just go to school close to home, save money and stay with them. She stills thinks I'm her little girl that needs her attention at all times, despite the fact that I am 26.

"Yes, mom. Of course I know there's no rush to me leaving. But, you do know I have to move back out at some point, right? As much as I love you and dad, I need my own space."

"You were always the most independent one of the bunch. I'm proud of you. I just wish you hadn't grown up so fast." Her voice had a tinge of sadness to it, and it didn't skip over me.