Revelation

"A real girl"

My stomach feels like it's being sucked out of my body. Like I'm free falling and all my organs are being ejected out my spine. All of a sudden my eyes shoot open in panic and my face slams into something hard. I groan in pain and roll over on my back.

"Morning" Kaycee laughs and hands me a cup of coffee.

"Shut up" I grumble and try not to spill the scalding coffee on me as I try and stand.

"What was that noise?" Raya calls from the hall

"Morgan fell off the couch" Kaycee calls back and I shoot her a glare.

"Ha ha, Morgan fell off the couch" I mock and set the coffee down. I feel nauseous, either from the alcohol last night or the not eating but frankly, I don't care.

I head into the bathroom and sit by the toilet. No one would worry if I puked right now, I'd blame it on the hangover, the smell of coffee, a side effect of seeing my reflection. I place my hands on the cool tile and listen. I hear their voices travel out the hall and into the kitchen, Kaycee puts her playlist on and my chance is presented. My body moves instinctively, moving my hair, flexing my fingers, and pulling my soul out of my stomach and into the depths of the drain pipes. It's like getting high, you go numb and shaky, forget your name, until they call you from the kitchen and you brace yourself on crumbling bones and take a look in the mirror. The ghost staring back at me is startling, so I leave, purposefully forgetting my coffee on the table.

I grab an old sweatshirt of my dad's I stole and pull on jeans and my boots.

"You leaving?" Asks Kaycee

"I'll be back, just going for a walk," I say as I turn the door handle.

"Okay, wanna go to Simmons and study later?" She asks and I turn briefly to smile at her.

"Yeah sure," I say and leave. It's too nice out for September, but I don't mind. I pull my smokes out of my back pocket and go to light it when a car horn makes me drop it on the ground. I turn to look and surprise surprise, I see Jake hanging out his window.

"Yo Morgan where ya headed?"

"Nowhere, just strollin'," I say and bend down to pick the cigarette up.

"Dude, don't smoke that," he says

"This is like two dollars, I'm not leaving it there" I retort and blow on it as if that would make it any more sanitary.

"You want to grab a coffee with Silas and me?" He calls, the car still rolling beside me. I peer into the car but don't see Silas.

"Where is he?"

"Meeting him there"

"Okay well I wanna walk 'cause it's nice" I blow smoke out and the car stops, "you gonna walk with me?"

"Yea just let me park" he pulls ahead of me and pulls in front of someone's yard. He hops out and locks the car before leaning against it, waiting for me to join him. I hand him the cigarette when I reach him and he stares at it for a second before dismissing it with his hand.

"Street smokes not good enough for Jake?" I tease him, taking another drag.

"It fell on the floor Morgan, dogs pee on the floor" he scrunches his nose.

"Yea and drunk old men pee on the floor too" I laugh.

"You're disgusting"

"I know" we both laugh and I go to follow the right path when he pulls me to the left.

"Wrong way," he says, hand still clasped around my elbow.

"Where's Silas?" I ask peering down at his hold on me, its weird, I can imagine the feel of his hand on my skin but I very obviously have multiple layers on. By the time I look up at him again he's just staring at me, "yes?" I ask and he drops my elbow.