Healing The Void ✔

Chapter 17 - Booze of the night

His eyes wavered, and she could feel the heaviness in his heart, which was overtly visible through his eyes. They rightfully said, eyes were mirrors to the soul, and at this point, his soul was screaming for help.

She searched his eyes, and a whisper left her mouth without acknowledgement. "Abhigyan, don't."

He leaned closer as his thumbs began moving in circles on her cheeks. "Do you hate me?" He asked out of the blue.

She tightened her hold on his wrists and gave it a slight push without breaking eye contact with him. He blinked and let out an air of exhaustions slowly. He suddenly looked burned out for some reason. Maybe it was there before, but she had overlooked it. He looked stressed, exhausted, and emotionally drained. His hands were, however, warm.

"Does it make any difference?"

"What do you mean?"

"My existence. Does it make any difference? Do I matter?" His eyes dropped, not particularly on her lips, but he didn't meet her eyes. As if he was on an autopilot, he began acting. Shreya wasn't sure why she was still putting up with him. But she couldn't seem to say no to him.

Gyan bit on his lip-ring and hissed. But it didn't look like an accident. He bit it intentionally. As a response, she winced. "What the hell, Gyan?"

But his reaction to that was totally unexpected. He chuckled, then licked his wound again.

"Why would you bite it when it's raw?" Gyan didn't answer but withdrew his hands from her cheeks. She waited for a second before asking again, "When did you get the piercing?"

"Today," he said and ran his hand through his hair.

"Isn't it paining?"

"Pain?" He snorted. "You making me conscious of the pain here?" He asked while pointing at his lips then his finger moved down and touched his chest. "And what about the pain residing here?"

Shreya kept quiet. She knew he was drunk and probably emotional. Things he couldn't say while being sober, they were instinctively coming out as his suppressed complaints. He would probably forget about all this in the morning. So she didn't interrupt or try to upset him. She wouldn't prefer a drunk and enraged Abhigyan who could easily create a scene.

He was wearing his usual home outfits. A sleeveless hoodie and shorts. He buried his free hand in his pockets. "Do you think if I run away just like this," he gestured towards his attire and added, "I can make it to the top? Just like once Papa did?"

Shreya blinked, then took a deep breath. "Gyan, you're not thinking straight. This is getting absurd. You should return to your room. Are your friends still here?"

Gyan smirked mysteriously at her inquiry, then glanced at sleeping Dev and back at her. "All of my days are same. It's the same monotonous routine, and routine is lethal. It destroys your knack for freedom."

She opened her mouth to say something but closed immediately having no words to say against that.

Gyan however, continued. "Personally, I have not experienced any kinds of appreciation in my life for what I love. It's always been my job, everything I did was, supposed to happen like that. Nothing special. At least that's what I've been taught. Maa supported, of course. But I know, her heart had always been somewhere else. She was physically with me and Ritu, but mentally, she was always..." he trailed off.

Shreya felt stupid to just stand there and listen to Gyan's complaints which probably he'd regret telling her in the morning. But she couldn't do anything about it. Could she? How would she make him stop?

"I'm tired Shreya. I feel empty and burdened. I can't work normally. All the time, my head burns, I can't sleep at night, I can't meet the demands of life as a normal person. I feel defeated... inferior even. It's hard to meet everyone's expectations. And to be compared with others..." he trailed off again.