Asphyxiation

What the Eyes See and the Pen Knows - 3

The orchestra version of Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No.2 flowed through the earbuds wedged in Noboru's ears. The musical composition was an undeniable classic, and Noboru's passion for the arts did not end with sketches and paintings. He was especially fond of classical music. He found that when he did not have a pen to occupy his hands, he grew restless. Unsettled and anxious without his thoughts, his observations, spilling out onto fresh clean paper.

Music helped. It played around his head, occupying his mind as his thoughts ran away on endless tangents.

It kept him distracted as he waited for the train. The station was always busy in the morning, crowds of people constantly pushing their way in and out, a constant ebb and flow. Noboru watched them, unbothered and uninterested. His school uniform was a little crumpled from where someone had accidentally bumped into him — which sent his dominant hand twitching, as if urging him to do something —

Noboru let the music in and everything else out. That was until, curiously, the rhapsody began to reach another peak in its tempo. The music swelled the same moment a familiar face parted through the crowds.

Kana's bright and cheery existence had Noboru's hand curling into a fist, his azure eyes narrowing. The girl was speaking enthusiastically to a small group of similarly-uniformed peers, but Y/n was not among them. He wouldn't be. Y/n lived elsewhere.

Though, before this moment, Noboru had not given much thought about how close he and Kana lived to each other. They arrived at the same station every morning and got on the same train. Noboru did not choose to notice this before because it was insignificant, but now that he watched her approach the yellow line before the train tracks, he found a sudden inspiration.

A vision unlike any other unraveled before his eyes. Kana's back to him, her brown hair tied in two identical braids. One swung over her shoulder as she turned to speak to the girl next to her. But that girl faded from the picture, everything did, until it was just Noboru and Kana.

The thrumming climax of Liszt's genius guided the uptick of Noboru's heart. The music compelled his vicious thoughts — thoughts of how easy it would be. How no one would know. Not in these crowds. One quick approach, one solid push, Kana spilling over onto the tracks — the train's high beams, the chug of metal wheels turning against rails —

The scream she'd let out as soon as she realized her situation, the helplessness of it all, then the dark, messy conclusion.

And never would Noboru have to see her put her hand on Y/n's shoulder, or speak something in the (h/c) boy's ear, or receive the boy's smile again.

Then, at that precise moment, the rhapsody ended and silence descended upon Noboru's ears. Meaningless chatter invaded his mindscape, effectively ripping him out of his fantasy. Kana was still there, waiting for the train, and laughing with her friends. The surrounding crowds came back into full focus and the station itself breathed back to life around him.

Noboru's hand twitched and he stuck it in his pocket.

The train arrived and with a sort of numbness, he boarded it. His eyes kept straying to Kana though and his fingernails dug so deeply into the palm of his hand, he bled.

When he arrived at school, Noboru stayed unnoticed, his eyes watching Kana happily greet her other friends. Noboru's eyes searched through them waiting for —

Y/n was there, offering a small smile and wave in Kana's direction. The girl giggled and latched onto the (h/c) boy. Then they were speaking to each other, ambling along slowly toward class.

Noboru's nails kept digging further into his own skin, crimson staining the white keratin. Then he forced his attention off the girl and onto the (h/c) boy walking at her side.

Although Y/n's smile stayed in place as the two talked, there was something dark and heavy in his eyes. Noboru was committing the strange, contradictory look to memory — oh, how he'd love to sketch it later; to capture it forever — when Y/n's gaze suddenly looked back to meet his own.

It seemed the other boy had finally sensed his staring. Noboru stilled, breath hitching as (e/c) eyes bore into his own.

Then Y/n tilted his head ever so slightly and rose an awkward hand. The (h/c) boy gave Noboru a tiny wave before putting his attention back on Kana as they rounded the corner of another corridor. The moment couldn't have lasted longer than a few seconds, but...

Noboru stood frozen, slowly lifting a hand up to his chest to feel the rapid beat, beat, beat, of his heart.