Stitches to Divide

Ｅｉｇｈｔ

One Friday night went long together and we ended up sleeping at our little home at the end of the yard.

I held you close to my heart and had your back pressed up to my chest. I focused on your breathing instead of sleeping myself. Listening to your breaths and feeling your little body fall and rise with each one.

I rested my hand on your wrist and used the tips of my fingers to lightly caress your thin hand.

Your skin was so soft. I felt a bit more down your supple hands. Making it to just below your wrist.

The tips of my digits drew little ghosted circles over the skin as they travelled up your arm.

As I felt the skin of your hand I pushed the edge of your sweater a bit lower. Sliding two fingers under your sleeve. I lightly rubbed the skin and felt the edge of new material along your skin.

I furrowed my brows while trying to identify the thing I touched. Only to dictate it was a band-aid.

Hm. I thought to myself. Maybe she got hurt working on something.

Upon feeling your arm up a bit further. My touch came across a second band-aid. That's a bit odd. Two?

At this point, many things were crossing my mind. Perhaps you had an accident. You would of course tell me, right? If you got badly hurt?

Then my mind went darker. Or maybe it was a purposeful accident...

Were you...

No. No. No, you couldn't be. Right?

I tried to shake the thought out of my head. You weren't. I tried to move my hand up a little more but you were beginning to shake awake slowly.

"Hmm," You hum trying to pry your doe eyes open, "Good... Middle of the night. Why are you still up Luca?" You grumble adjusting yourself to get more comfortable. I slip my hand out from under the edge of your sleeve. And rest it back on your waist.

"I can't really sleep," I say while holding your body a bit tighter. You hear what I say and turn to face me in the bed.

"Anything on your mind cutie?" You smile softly trying to keep your tired eyes open.

For a moment I didn't respond. Thinking about whether I should ask or not.

But then I decided it would be best to just ask. To see if something is wrong which I hope is not.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" I ask, avoiding your eyes. I look at your hair instead. And brush some off your face while talking.

"Yeah, of course." You nod.

"I don't know how to ask this..." I gulp nervously. Was I just going to ask?

"Are you hurting yourself, Leilani?" I look right into your eyes while saying it. Your smile and face dropped. A life was lifted from the room. At first, you stayed silent and just looked back at me.

"Why would you think that Luca?" Your voice was heavy and dark. She never used my name like that.

"I just... is something happening?" You sit up on the bed and nervously look around the space ahead of us. "Please... You can tell me, love." I say slowly touching your mid-back.

You begin breathing a bit louder. Your face away from mine, looking away. And I sit up next to you.

"It's- I-" your voice was getting shaky.

You turn back to look at me and your lovely eyes are filled with fresh tears.

I go to talk but seeing you like this breaks my heart. I breathe a shaky little sigh and pull you into me at once.

Wrapping my arms around your petite body.

"Sh Sh. I'm here." Your tears flood into my chest. And you begin sobbing into my heart. I kiss your head and hold you tighter.

"Luca, it's not that bad..." You mumble into me.

"Lani... telling me can help." I could feel my own eyes weld up with tears.

"I... don't... know..." you wrap your arms around my torso and dig your face deeper into my chest.

"Can I at least see?" I ask. Wavering over how smart that question was. You sniffle a bit more and then look up at me.

Your big eyes glistened with salty tears.

"You would think I was insane," You whisper.

I shake my head, "No, no. I could never see you differently baby." I kiss your forehead, "nothing could change the way I see you. I love you and I only want to help." Oh god.

Your lip quivers while your eyes widen.

"You...?"

"Yes, I love you. And I need you to show me so I can help you heal." I hold your face in my hand and pull you closer.

"F- fine." you sniffle. You look back at me and I give you a soft smile while wiping a few drops off your cheek.

"Thank you," I mouth. You look down and slide your hands out from around me.

You face the palms up and pull your trembling hands back to between the two of us.

Your little face looks back at mine, I nod.

You inhale a deep breath and shove your arms towards me.

"Me?" I ask, You nod and bite your lip nervously looking down at your own hands.

I slowly grab your left arm and carefully roll up the thick sleeve of the sweater.

The first thing I saw was the 2 band-aids I'd just felt. As the fabric exposed more I could feel you shiver slightly at the sudden air hitting your bare skin. But I looked at your soft skin. And scattered all over the forearms were a range of cuts and scars.

They were tattering your arms and covered them.

I let out an audible sigh and looked back up to your eyes. I could feel a tear spill from my eye and you looked so hurt and scared.

"Do you do it often?" my lip quivers as I try to bring the words to my mouth. You shrug and reach for my hand.

I grab yours and hold it tight. "Why?" I ask.

"I- I think it's to try and feel something." you sniffle, "I don't feel anything Luca." your eyes, now red, cut right into mine. "Things only ever feel dull. And the most things I feel strongly are anger and frustration but I can never express it right."

I run the tips of my fingers up your arm. Touching all the little scratches and scabs. I bring my lips to yours and kiss you with all my heart.

"I'm sorry Lani. I'm sorry you feel like that." I rest my forehead at yours and look down at your arms. "I'd do anything to take the pain from you." I sob into your lips again. You start trembling and crying back to me again.

I pull you close and run my hands up into your hair. Pulling your head closer to my body.

"I love you, Lani," I mumble into your head. "so much." Your little sobs vibrate through my chest.

"I should go," you push off of me and sit up. "Yeah, I should go." you wipe a few tears off of your face and pull the blanket off of your lap. I couldn't help but feel I scared you more.

"You don't-" I try to stop you.

"Goodnight Luca." You say standing by the open front door. I get up from the bed and try to catch up with you but you're already on the other side of the dark wood door.

I make it to the entrance but stop when it comes to grabbing the door handle.

What did you do?

You idiot, what did you do?

I sigh and break down. Thudding my head against the door and slammed my fist weakly into it.

Not being able to bring me to go after you.

My poor girl was hurting all this time. And I didn't even know.