The Heartbroke Club

24

It was the new year.

Over the semester break, I'd finished my college applications, finished our semester goals for yearbook, and spent time with Cara, and surprisingly, Quentin.

Quentin gave her a little time to recover from her self-harm episode before baring it all. I got the sense that he'd wanted to do that from the first night we all spent at Cara's, but he held out in respect of worrying about her first. A part of me considered the possibility that Quentin took interest in Cara because of her closeness to me, but for once, I actually didn't think he was being a dick.

He'd been offering her rides to and from school. They'd been spending a lot of time together. It would be safe to assume they enjoyed each other's company, to what extent, we were just figuring out.

Being around them after they got past that speed bump was uncomfortable. They were the PDA type of couple, and even though we usually spent time at Cara's house, I considered it public because I was there.

Despite me not wanting to be near when they got frisky, I didn't have many other options. I was just learning to forgive my dad, and he and my mom were attached at the hip. I didn't like spending time at the house. I was still pissed at Bree, and Bree was still done with me.

It pissed me off that she had the nerve to kiss another guy right after me and then tell me to go like I'd been the one to do something fucked up. She was the one that kissed both of us. She was the one that kissed me the second time, in which she had more than enough time to realize that she was making a mistake.

I wondered if she missed him. He kissed her, right? That probably meant that he wanted her back. If he was to come back over the summer and ask for her to be with him again, who was I to think I had a chance? She'd grown up with the guy.

After I kissed Bree, and especially after Bree kissed me, I knew I didn't want to be friends with her. Even though we'd never had that conversation or much interaction period after that happened, I knew that just friends wouldn't cut it. A part of the awkward tension even made me light up inside in a way that I hadn't before. I'd wanted to keep moving forward, even if it got messy, but I didn't have the chance to tell her that.

I didn't know if I would have, even if I did have the chance. I'd never been one to express myself in that way, and I'd just learned how to be nice to the girl. Let alone explain to her that I didn't regret kissing her, and wanted to keep doing it.

Well, not as much anymore.

Bree had been a saving grace for me. Not because she fixed me, or saved me from myself, or anything like that, but because she saw me from the start. She helped me realize that things didn't have to be one way to be beautiful.

Cara had done the same, and I loved Cara for that, but it had always been different with Bree. Cara and I had a respectful, chill relationship. She was straightforward and poised. To be frank, I was kind of scared of her. Definitely too scared to say some of the shit I said to Bree.

I hadn't talked to Bree in nearly a month at that point. It was hard. Really hard.

If it had been a few months ago, I probably would've called up some of my folks from back home and stopped by to get my mind off things. But there wasn't really much for me to return to there.

So, I focused on keeping my semester-end grades straight. It was my last hard semester of high school, and I was grateful to have ended it strong. I focused on finishing our semester-end yearbook goals strong, too. I stayed extra time after meetings and collabed with a couple of the other kids I hadn't worked with yet.

And now that school was back in session, I had another friend that could fill Bree's absence. Jamie.

I was back in study hall with Jamie for the first time in a couple of weeks. Thankfully, we were put in the same free block again after the semester changed. I didn't know what I'd do without someone familiar in classes.

This semester, Bree and I didn't share any classes. Sure, it killed the tension, but it also made the likelihood of us reconciling even slimmer. I had to be okay with that. Maybe the universe nipped in the bud before it could further complicate our lives.

"So, now that application season is coming to a close, have you decided where you want to go?" I asked Jamie.

"Definitely not Yale."

Taken aback, I scrunched my eyebrows. "Isn't that like, the best school on the list though?"

"I want to go to Clark Atlanta."

"Clark? You haven't even mentioned Clark."

She bit her lip. "After Max fucked my other applications up, I got to thinking. Everything I've done up to now has been me trying to be the objective best. To prove a point to my parents, my peers, myself. My parents didn't even react when I told them about Yale. Like they just expected that from me at that point. And it didn't feel good. I wanted to get into Yale to make them happy, and that didn't even do it. I'm just done with it."

I tipped my head, deep in thought. 

"I don't think I have much advice to offer you. I'm pretty ordinary, I like to think. But I know that you're going to be great no matter what you do and no matter where you go, so you might as well go where your heart tells you."

"I always wanted to join a D9 sorority. I didn't even know what I was going to do once I got to Yale, but once I get to Clark, that's definitely first on my list. That's a start."

"I'm proud of you, Jamie."

When time came for class to be over, Jamie and I walked to the door together as we'd learned to do. Today, we were met by a party. They were Jamie's people.

Perry, the girl who I'd learned was to fault for Bree's suspension, stood at the front of the pack with Maxwell. A couple of others, who I hadn't learned much about, stood back.

"What's the occasion?" Jamie asked, tiredly.

Maxwell took notice of this. "You good, Jame?" he grabbed her hand and looked at her, concerned.

She snatched her hand away, stuttering. "Y-yes. Just tired. Thanks."

Was that a blush?

Jamie had become unpredictable.

I smiled to myself, waiting for more surprises. Bree's whole pack was here except for her, so I wondered what it could be about.

"You didn't hear?" Perry shrieked. "Bree got a D1 offer for college!"

"Don't tell me it's Alabama," Jamie chortled.

My heart sank. That couldn't be possible, right?

"Nope. Texas A&M," Maxwell interjected. "A coach came to one of her games before her suspension, and word just got back around."

Texas?

Bree walked up behind her friends, seeing all of them clustered around, looking for an explanation. She didn't even notice me. A part of me felt wounded.

She was probably thinking about André.

"What's the fuss?"

"We were just sharing the good news," Maxwell, gestured to Jamie and me.

"Oh," Bree muttered, seemingly by mistake. She noticed me, finally. "Yeah."

"You sound like Jamie when she got accepted into Yale," Maxwell laughed and nudged Jamie on the arm. Jamie touched where he'd nudged instinctively, looking embarrassed and flustered.

Alarms started going off in my head. Jamie, when she got into Yale?

I made a note to talk to Bree then. She didn't seem too happy about that offer, and I needed to know why. It wouldn't be today, though. Today I'd let her breathe.

-

Tame Impala - Love/Paranoia