The Heartbroke Club

25

He was back in town.

This time it was for semester break, where he'd be able to spend an entire month burdening my existence. 

For most of his stay, he'd stayed his ass right across the street. Thankfully, our families didn't spend Christmas together. However, Christmas was over, and his parents were social as ever.

So there I sat, back on that loveseat that seemed to catch all the drama, hoping and praying for a way out. A way out that didn't seem like it was coming any time soon.

Life felt like a lot then. I'd been suspended from the basketball team. Secretly, I was glad to get the time off, but my leave wouldn't last much longer. There was only one game left in my four-game suspension. I'd have to face my demons after that.

I'd gotten an offer from Texas A&M. It was a full ride to a great school with a great program. I felt nothing.

Actually, I didn't feel nothing, per se, but the feelings I did have weren't positive ones. So I ignored them. 

Marcellus and I weren't friends anymore. I didn't have him to lean on, and I wasn't comfortable sharing intimate things with the people close to me. Perry would've been my go-to at some point, but I'd been keeping my distance from her. I was finally starting to see why people said she was bad news. Strange enough, I felt more comfortable talking to a stranger than my best friends of many years. Perhaps I felt less judged, less imperfect. 

But now, I had no options.

Our two families sat in a circle on my family's furniture, talking, only I hadn't done much speaking at all. André and I sat on opposite ends of the loveseat, slumped across the arms. There was clear tension there, but I couldn't care less then. I had a lot else I was worried about.

And yeah, André being back was part of my issue as well. He just wouldn't go away and stay away. And I'd gone and kissed him. I felt even more confused when I felt gross about it.

I didn't know much of what I wanted, but I knew that I had many negative feelings that needed a release, and soon.

"Yeah, the season's going to kick into full effect once we get back on campus. I'm excited."

"They tried to put my boy on the bench the first few months! Can you believe that? My boy ain't no bench warmer," Mr. Johnson jested as he swatted André on the back. "Glad ole coach got it together."

"So you're getting more playtime? That's great!" my mother cheered.

"Not in the starting lineup yet, so there's definitely work to be done," André said humbly.

"Speaking of which," my dad spoke up, trying to make sure André wasn't the only one to receive praise. "Bree just received her first D1 offer. To Texas A&M."

The adult Johnsons cheered for me, while André looked over at me in awe. "Yo, seriously? That's dope, Bree. You deserve it. I guess you can really say you're better than me now."

"Eh, I guess," I laughed drily. I wasn't really in the mood to boast my basketball achievements.

"So are you going to commit?" Mr. Johnson posed the obvious question, with a seemingly obvious answer.

"I might, but you know, other schools still have time to make their offers and I want to keep my options open," I said modestly. 

Everyone nodded. "Makes sense," Mr. Johnson responded.

From there, college became the lingering topic of our discussion, as our parents seemed really involved in our post-secondary affairs and goals. I never understood why families couldn't talk about the adults' business whenever they got together.