Spiritual Warfare

chapter one

There were reasons. Many, many reasons. At times Reagan would compile a list of reasons why. At times he would sit in his room and cry listening to sad slow songs whose lyrics would linger on his lips. At times Reagan would laugh, a whole hearted, stomach hurting laugh. Though, at times in the middle of the night he would lie awake thinking, dreaming and hoping.

Make no mistake Reagan was loved, he had beautiful dark brown hair, a beautiful smile and deep chocolate brown eyes that told a story. He grew up in a house with three other siblings and two happily married parents. He had a girlfriend, and friends.

To the eyes of many Reagan seemed perfectly normal, many even envied him. It was those who knew him so well that knew nothing about the sadness that happened as he would sit in his room. 

Reagan had been saved, baptized at the same church he had been going to for many years. He remembered the feeling, clean, safe and happy. New. 

There was a very significant picture that came to mind, when he thought of God. It was just after his baptism, the pastor was holding him a little, he was crying. That picture held a thousand words, and though the clique saying went like that, it was true. 

It is said by many, the one who smiles the biggest or the person who tries to makes everyone happy knows how it is to feel down or  sometimes the one who isn't happy. 

Reagan always knew how to make someone laugh, he had been known by many as the class clown. He had nerves and would do anything to get a laugh out of his audiance. 

He was always happy and smiling, popular and well liked. Picture perfect. Wrong.

Beneath the surface there was something deeper going on, something only Reagan knew about.

That was how sadness worked, it was a feeling that felt like weights. You felt helpless and you tried to make yourself happy. No one likes being sad. 

Though sadness grows and the longer you are sad you eventually become depressed.

If you were to google depression you would find: that the word indeed is a noun.

depression; feelings of severe despondency and dejection.

You can't control it. You don't choose it. You don't want it. 

It had been sometime for this sadness to grow, it must have started with something. 

Whatever was the cause, it wedged itself  in Reagan and only began growing and eventually  took over.

~~~

It was a day or two after a party Reagan had thrown and gotten in trouble for the sadness consumed him entirely.

In a matter of seconds Reagan no longer inhabited his body. The weapon that had taken his life was the weapon spoken about in the second amendment. 

Cause of Death: suicide. 

Case closed.

It however, was the only the beginning of this case.