All the young dudes

Chapter 14: Give us a wink

***

Remus and Sirius don't get any time alone in the last week before the winter holidays. Remus doesn't try to force it; he doesn't blame Sirius for being a bit more withdrawn than usual after what happened the day of the Hogsmeade trip. It isn't until they're at King's Cross, standing on the bustling platform after James and Peter have swept off toward their families, that they speak privately at all.

"Hey, I wanted to say something," Sirius says.

Remus faces him, hands in his coat pockets. "Sure."

"It's just, er." Sirius glances around, drops his voice. "The other day in the village, I think...I keep feeling as though I've cocked something up."

Remus, who knows exactly what he's referring to, plays politely dumb. "What gives you that idea?"

"Well, I accidentally said that thing about us being on a date," Sirius says, quickly, with the air of ripping off a plaster, "and it really was an accident, I didn't mean to make you feel as though—"

"It's quite alright."

"And then when you didn't speak to me all week, I reckoned I'd made it weird."

Remus is taken aback. "I didn't not speak to you, you didn't speak to me."

"Well, now I'm confused."

"By the double negative or the sentiment?"

Sirius makes a huffing noise that's distinctly canine. "Are you angry with me or aren't you?"

"Of course not, why would I be angry with you?" Remus says, confused. Out of all the ways he's felt this week, 'angry' hasn't been one of them. Plenty frustrated, sure, but only ever at himself.

"I shouldn't have said it," Sirius says, "but it really was just an accident, I know that you don't want this thing with us to be, er, to be—"

"There isn't a 'thing with us'," Remus says, firmly. He wants to let Sirius off the hook here; he must feel awfully sorry for Remus, judging by how miserable he looks. He appreciates the attempt to let him down easy. He really does. "I understand. You haven't got to defend yourself. It is what it is, and it isn't anything."

Sirius nods. "Right. 'Course it isn't," he says, and Remus can't understand why he still looks so unhappy. "Well, erm...See you soon, then?"

"Yeah, of course. Come round whenever, Mum'll be pleased to see you."

"Yeah." Sirius gives an odd little lurch before patting him on the arm, as if he intended a hug but then thought better of it. He says, "See you, Moony," and disappears into the crowd.

***

"Mal won't shut up asking after you," Brianna says. She's at the counter sorting through preorder forms while sleet falls in icy grey sheets outside the shop window. It's three days to Christmas. "Keeps asking, 'Sure he's not been funny?' and the like, it's right weird. Reckon he thinks you've gone and got into drugs."

Sirius, halfway through changing out the record on the turntable, shrugs. "Only on occasion."

"Everything in moderation," she says sagely. She chews on the end of her pencil. "Bit rich coming from him, though," she says, garbled, "seeing as he did enough drugs in the sixties to make Lou Reed look like a schoolgirl. How many times you looking to play that, lad?"

"Several more," Sirius says, sliding the vinyl from its sleeve. "Can't listen to it at home, I've got to memorize it while I'm here."'

"You got a crush on Patti Smith now?"