TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death

Crazy Night Out With Technoblade

uh TW: dart shooting at "Tommy sighs. He raises his gun..." and ends at the end of scene. Uhhh and just general minor violence

— —

" Clementine, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you cannot stop me," Tommy tells his daughter.

Clementine does a slow twirl.

"I don't care about safety," Tommy rolls his eyes, "I live life on the edge- no, no, life lives me on the edge. I am the edge."

Clementine stares at him.

"I don't like the judgement in your eyes, Clementine, " He scowls.

Tommy opens the window, cold, breezy air blowing out. He shivers. This is going to be epic.

" Clementine, are you ready for epicness?" He grins as he grabs the Sprite bottle, wings on his trainers fluttering incessantly.

Clementine blows a bubble.

"I actually do not care what you think," He sniffs before jumping out into the open air.

_____

"Tommy, why're you here?" Technoblade sighs as stares at the teenager, stabbing his opponent absentmindedly. He's such a badass.

Tommy grins, "It's Defenestration Bros™️ time."

"I do not want to be a part of that. At all. I'm literally patrollin', go home," The hero grunts.

Tommy smirks, twirling his baton, "This is going to be the best night of your life, Technoblade. We are going to do so many things."

"I feel like you ain't listenin' to me," Technoblade sheaths his sword back into the holster, criminal lying prone on the pavement. "You need' ta go home before Wil pulls a fit or somethin'."

"No way, I'm patrolling with you today Technoblade. I want to see your epicness in action," Tommy crosses his arms, "I even brought my glock."

"That's-" The hero stares before sighing, "Alright man, just, don't get in my way or anythin', I won't protect you just cause' you're a child."

That is the most offensive thing TommyInnit has ever heard in his life.

"I am not a child," He scowls, "Do not underestimate me Blade, I am pogchamp."

"Stop using that word."

_____

"Please! Please! I'm- I'm not even- I was just trying to take out money!" The criminal cries.

Pathetic. Truly.

Tommy raises his glock higher, hovering just above the ground as his shoes flutter.

"You will pay for your crimes."

The man sobs, "I was just trying to take out twenty pounds, man! I'm not a criminal!"

Tommy scoffs, "Who do you think I am? An amateur? You're naive, for I, am TommyInnit and I, have a Sus Metre. You are so sus right now."

The dirty criminal lets out a noise of bewildered confusion, playing the innocent role like a dirty liar. "I-? I don't even know how to respond to that?!"

Tommy shrugs, "Don't worry, you'll have all the time to think of a response in prison. "

"What?! Dude, who the fuck even are you?" The guy frowns before his eyes widen, "Wait, wait, I know you!"