CHAPTER 5

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Gilderoy Lockhart paces before class

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Gilderoy Lockhart paces before class. Hermione and some girls hang on his every word, while Harry, Tulip and Ron stare at the large, covered cage rattling mysteriously on his desk.

- "Let me introduce you to your new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. Me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League and five-time winner of the Witch Weekly's Most Charming-Smile Award...But I don't talk about it. I didn't talk about getting rid of Bandon Banshee by smiling at her! - said Gilderoy

Lockhart waits for the laughter. Some students smile faintly.

- "Tough crowd?!" - said James making fun of the narcissistic wizard

- "I see that you have all bought a complete set of my books. Very well done. I thought we would start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about, just to check how well you've read them, how much you've collected..."- said Gilderoy

Lockhart starts circulating papers. Harry and Ron examine the questions. Ron whispers to Harry.

- "Just look at these questions! They're all about him..."

- "The audacity" - dramatized Regulus

-"'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?'" - read Harry

- "The man must have a severe narcissistic personality disorder..." - whispered Tulip behind the two, sitting next to Peter

They all laughed softly

-"'What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?'" - read Ron

- "A whole day with his beloved...the bathroom mirror" - said Peter as he wrote down the answer to the stupid question

- "I love the answer" - exclaimed Marlene

- "LMAO!!!" - cried Lily, breaking into laughter

James looks at Lily confused

- "What?" - he asked

Lily smiles and answers quickly

- "I'm laughing my ass off"

James looks at her in amazement.

- "PADFOOT! Write down in a notebook the new word that muggles use now LMAO" - orders James

Sirius writes 'lemau' in his notebook.

Tulip snickered

-"'When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday and what would his ideal gift be?'" - read Harry, waiting for suggestions for an answer

- "It must be a fucking framed portrait of him. With his signature too, to show real adoration" - suggested Tulip

- "Their creativity is beyond me! PLS!!!" - says Alice laughing

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