Better Hollow {Finished}

Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

Another week went by, Cooper had gotten more accustomed to the house. He and Markus were practically best friend, they followed each other everywhere. Cooper was Ramona's shadow, following her wherever she went, snuggling her every chance he got.

Ramona was snooping around Danny's room. Though she didn't meddle with his stuff, she did occasionally dust. She also would sometimes borrow a book or two, which happened to be the particular reason she was in there today. She cleared off a stack of books, trying to pull out one book in particular. A piece of paper slipped from the stack, floating to the floor.

She set the books down, bending over to pick up the piece of crinkled notebook paper. It was a letter of some kind.

"Dear Family,

If you're reading this, then I'm either dead or in a psych ward somewhere. I'm sorry to whoever found me, you didn't deserve to see me in like this. Please understand, I don't wish to leave you. I love you all very much, and I know you may never understand my decision. I've let the world turn me bitter, I've taken all the wrong and made it a part of me. I wake up angry for no reason, I yell at Ramona on the daily for reasons I don't know. It's like I have some personal vendetta against society.

The truth is, it's all become too much. I wake up and my thoughts pool in my head, like a puddle that you step in, not understanding the depth. My life has been a gift, but it's time I return it. I'm grateful for all the times I've gotten to spend with everyone I love. I've gotten to watch Ramona take her first steps, though I barely remember it. Somehow, I managed to win the best little sister of all time. I'm so sorry I'm not going to watch you grow up. In the future, I know you'll long for my brotherly advice. You'll want me to hold you and tell you everything is alright, and I really do apologize for not being able to do that.

My mind has become a prison. We read about Guantánamo Bay in class, and I think my brain is modeled after it. When I wake up, it's like this feeling of impending doom. There's this eternal dread of- well, I don't even know what. Some days I wake up mad at the world, ready to riot at the capital building.

Other days, I wake up feeling on top of the world. It's like feeling like you can fly, and suddenly realizing you can't. I feel so great sometimes, I feel cured. There are times when I think I could run a marathon with no training whatsoever. It feels like I could be shot, run over, and waterboarded, and I'd get right up. It all comes crashing down eventually, and I wake up from what felt like a crack induced coma. At that point, I have to sit back and look at what damage I've done.

I know that no one will understand, but if I keep going the way I'm going, then eventually I'll ruin my life and everyone else's lives. I have been so incredibly fortunate to have been born into such an amazing family. If anything, I really hit the lottery when it comes to you guys. Mom can actually cook, Dad is present and not neglectful. And Ramona, god she is the best sister anyone could ever wish for. I don't believe in god, but I think the best thing he gave me, was Ramona.

In church, they tell us that life is god's greatest gift, and to kill yourself, is the greatest sin of all. I refuse to live my life in servitude to a man who made me the way I am and then chooses to banish me to hell for it. God made me who I am, and I'm called a sinner because of it. I refuse to live my life in servitude to someone who has damned me from my birth. Every day I wake up wishing to be different, to somehow have a different plan decided for me. I wait for a miracle, day after day, but still I sit here unchanged.

Ramona, if you read this when you're older; know that it's not your fault. I see you already trying to play the hero. You try to fix everything, even if it's not yours to fix. I think I was your favorite fixer-upper. You didn't fail me. Ramona, you made life worth it. Anytime I got to build a snowman with you, or go to the pool, even listen to your annoying ten-minute-long songs, it made everything worth it. I know this is going to hurt you, and I'm sorry. Just know, that I love you, and I'm always going to be with you. Don't live your life trying to prove yourself because you think you failed me.

I love you all dearly. I'll watch you all from wherever I end up.

Forever with you,

Danny"

Ramona's hands dropped, the paper falling to the ground once more. She sat down on Danny'd bed, grabbing her phone. She didn't even look at the screen, she just typed in a number and hit call. "Hello?" James said into the phone.

"James, I found it. I found his note," Ramona said into the shaking phone. Tears ran steadily down her face, she licked the salty droplets off her face.

"You found what?" James asked, clearly worried. He could hear static on the other line, realizing the phone had been disconnected, he stood up from his own bed.

Though he looked athletic, he was no runner, but he ran as quickly as he could to Ramona's house. He busted down the front door, flying up the stairs. He found Ramona in the bathroom, sitting in the shower with the water running. Ramona sat in the shower, the water pelting her face, most of her clothes on the floor in front of the shower.

James opened the curtain, listening to Ramona's wails as he stepped into the shower. He pulled her forward, sitting down behind her, and putting her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her stomach, pulling her tight to him. Ramona sounded like she was hyperventilating the way she cried. Her tears came in big heaves as she struggled to breathe through it all.

"It's okay, Ramona. Just breathe," James said, nestling his head into her wet hair. Cooper came into the bathroom, pushing the curtain back with his head and joining them in the shower. He laid his head on Ramona's lap as James held her.

She sobbed continuously, it seemed like her heartstrings would give out. Eventually, her gasps for air seemed to slow, and she seemed to stop crying. James got up, turning the water off and getting out of the shower. He stripped his wet clothes off, wrapping a towel around him before picking Ramona up out of the shower. Taking the rest of Ramona's clothes off, he wrapped her in her own towel before carrying her back to the comfort of her room.

He laid her down on her bed, crawling into his old spot and cradling her. James held her close, making sure she knew that he would never let her go. She curved to accommodate his body pressed to hers, finally at peace with him by her side. Though Mabel was her best friend, Ramona wouldn't have wished it to be anyone else clinging to her side.

"It wasn't my fault," Ramona said, quietly. James took a deep breath, the feeling of his breath raising goosebumps on Ramona's skin.

"I know, Ramona. I know," James said, pulling closer, if that was even humanly possible. They laid there on her bed, wrapped in towels, still soaking wet. It was strange the way the person that made Ramona feel most vulnerable, also made her feel the safest.

"I'm sorry, Ramona," James confessed, burying his face in her neck.

"I know, James," Ramona told him, resting her hands on top of his. If someone hits you once, they'll hit you again, this Ramona knew, but she wanted to be naive. He was the one place she could always return to. James was home. Leaving him after everything they've been through, is losing a home in a fire and nothing surviving.

The two laid like that for hours, not talking. James occasionally wiping tears from Ramona's freckled face. Eventually, he stood up, moving to her dresser to dig out some of his clothes. He dressed himself, grabbing clothes for Ramona to put on when she ready, before crawling back into her bed and holding her once more. Loving James was like trying to tame hellfire, but Ramona was willing to get burnt trying.

She sat up, peeling the towel off her body and stepping into dry clothes. Weeks ago, she would've kissed James, but now all she could do was hug him. Ramona clung to him, wrapping around him so all the air between them was filled. Ramona knew better than to believe in soulmates, but for him, she did. Perhaps when the world was created, the atoms that composed them were made side by side, promising them to each other forever. Though Ramona was taught to never fight for love, for James, she could spend the rest of her life trying.