left in the middle of a highway - a letter to contributers of my modern land

to you

another game
another lost cause
the person I loved
never was alive

it was all made up
for the game
for fools like me to play with you
for fun
wanting fun made you hug me in the darkened bathroom
it felt the best
it held so much value for me
it craved a hole in my brain,
that wanted more
but
as it shows
it meant
nothing
to you,
you just made a move in a game
that you knew you didn't want to continue

last time I saw you,
it felt like I was talking with a person i have never met before
benefits that you were talking about two days earlier
will never take place
because you are not the person that I loved
I hope someday I will find someone who will be treating my love like something that holds value

the type to fuck with peaches never existed
the one who cried after loss was just crying in my imagination
it's to you the person who has had read my poems out loud, next to me
please, don't break an already broken heart
maybe you don't feel any loss
but there are people that you might hurt
like me
because I'm still hoping for the existence of you from the past,
that's just hope
again turned into a fire

the person who I fell for
the person who had a heart bigger than their body
the person that made mistakes but tried to fix them
if you're alive, that's the last chance to give me a sign of life,
I STILL LOVE YOU
please come back
I STILL LOVE YOU
i don't want to end anything
because I still hope that you're alive
breathing, somewhere
I STILL LOVE YOU
please, let your name make my heart beat faster
do not let it crush it

I tried to mute the voices begging for your regretness
but I can't
I can't love someone who's actions make me die inside and make me want to die
I tried to be nice and treat you like nothing ever happened
the same way that you treated me
but i guess that there are crimes that can't be just forgotten.

you know that i can't act,
and you know that
all of the things that I show to you
are everything I feel inside
because I don't hide with it
all of the people are made out of metal
don't turn into one of them.