Awakening (Shadowhunters Fanfiction)

Losing Your Memory

Jace drags me away from Maryse, taking me towards the dance floor where a few couples are slow dancing. Smiling I let him pull me against him, wrapping my arms around my neck as he places his head against mine. 

Holding him one last time brings tears to my eyes. I try not to let out a sound, alerting him. I don't want him to know. Not till I'm gone.

"You know." He speaks. "Being here has made me think. I was brought up to believe I had to be perfect. Perfect warrior, perfect solider, perfect son."

I let out a small sob, tear escaping my eyes as his hands tighten around my back. 

"Even when I came to live with the Lightwoods I believed if I wasn't perfect they would send me away." I pull back looking into his eyes. "I didn't think anyone could love me unconditionally no matter what mistakes I made and then you showed up." He taps his nose against mine. "You broke everything I believe into pieces." I bring my hand up to his head, pushing a stray hair back, smiling. 

"I'm sorry." I don't mean it.

"Don't be. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, Clary Fairchild." 

"I never thought I would love someone with all my heart like I love you." I rub his hair. "No matter what happens, my love for you will never die." More tears form. He stares at me, trying to figure out what I'm hiding. 

"Hey." He wipes a tear away. "You alright?" He asks, placing his hand on the side of my face. 

"I love you." I lean forward, kissing him so I don't speak. I can feel the runes disappearing. It's close. 

We stand there for a moment kissing, holding each other. I pull back, crying a little. 

"I need some air." I look at him before turning around, taels streaming down my face as a small sob escapes my lips. 

I walk into the front hallway, stopping as a rune on my arm starts to disappear. Placing my hand over it I look up to see the shadow hunters near the front door disappear. Sobbing harder I race towards the door, pushing it open as I step through. I stop at the top of the steps as another rune is removed. Sobbing harder I look around before racing away from the Institute.

Once far enough away I stop as the rune on my neck disappears. The first rune I ever got, given to me by Jace. As it disappears so does the rest of my memories. 

I stand there in the dark surrounded by street lights. Placing my hand on my cheek I find tears and smeared make up. That's strange. 

Looking around I start to walk forward, unsure where I am going but knowing that it's a big world out there, I have my whole life ahead of me. 

Jace stares at Clary as she walks away, claiming she needs air.

"I love you too." He whispers as she hurries away from him. Not fazed he turns back to the party. He dances with Maryse and Isabelle. After a few dances he goes in search of Clary. She has been gone too long.

Not finding her outside he searches the rooms. He walks into their bedroom, expecting to find her there only to stop when he see's a letter sitting on the table across the room.

He slowly picks up the letter with a shaking hand. A part of him knows something is wrong.

Dear Jace

I am sorry to have run out on you but I knew if I was there when everything happened you would never let me go. I would be scared and confused while you held me, trying to keep me safe. 

I meant what I said in Alicante. That I would love you always. Until the day I die. I thought we had more time but I was wrong. My mother was sent by Raziel before I killed Jonathan. She warned me that if I ever drew another rune they would take everything away. I had no choice. If I hadn't stopped him he would have destroyed us all. I hope you can accept the sacrifice I made for the good of the shadow world. 

We have gone through so much together. We have had our ups and downs. Great adventures and death. Maybe we will meet again. I know this will be hard but please don't try and find me. Anything you do might make it worse so I beg you with my whole heart to let me be. Let me live my new life away from the shadow world. I hope you have a wonderful life.

I know by the time you read this letter my memories of you and the shadow world will be gone. It's the price the angels made me pay for the runes I've created. But I have no regrets. Even if I don't remember you, you will always be in my heart.

If we don't meet again in this world I know we will meet again in the next. 

Love Clary.

Slowly the letter drops out of his hand as he collapses to the ground, sobbing. He knew something was off, he just couldn't place it. A hand goes to his shoulder as they pick up the letter. He turns his head seeing Isabelle kneeling beside him.

Her eyes move across the paper, reading Clary's goodbye.

"I can't believe it." She looks at him.

"I can't either but I know that she's gone. She said she needed air. I should have gone after her." He looks away. Ashamed and angry that he didn't see it sooner.

"Nothing you did would have changed the angels decision." He looks at her again. "She knew the consequence when she destroyed Jonathan. She sacrificed her memories so that we could all be safe. Don't let her sacrifice be in vain." He nods looking at the letter. He never even go to say goodbye.

Isabelle helps him up. Looking at each other they walk out of the room hand in hand. They find the others enjoying Magnus and Alec's wedding, drinking champagne, celebrating. 

They hate to burst this happy moment but they need to be told. They turn watching as Isabelle and Jace walk up to them. Everyone's faces change as Isabelle and Jace stop before them. Simon's eyes move to the letter in Jace's hand. 

"Where's Clary?" Luke speaks. 

Isabelle looks at Jace seeing the hurt. She looks back at the others taking a deep breath before speaking. 

"She's gone." Tears form in her eyes. "The angels took away her runes."

"By the angel." Maryse mumbles. 

"She's gone?" Alec looks at Jace. 

"Yes." Isabelle whispers. 

"I don't believe you." Simon shakes his head. He starts to walk pass them when Isabelle lets go of Jace grabbing him. 

"She's gone." Isabelle stares up at him. "She sacrificed everything to defeat Jonathan. Don't let her sacrifice be in vain."

"She's all alone." He cries. Jace looks at him as Simon turns. "She's all alone." He whispers.

"I know." Jace faces him fully. "But Isabelle is right. We can't go after her. She has no memory so it wouldn't make a difference. We have to let her go." He sobs, the letter falling from his hand. 

Alec grabs him. Jace turns hugging him as he cries into his shoulder. Everyone grabs someone, hugging them as they mourn their friend. Not dead but gone and never coming back.