Idée Fixe [A Yandere Anecdote]

Ch.12: Night Thoughts.

Song: Cradles - Sub Urban.

(Y/n) stares blankly at the ceiling as he was laying down on the bed. It was four in the morning and he couldn't sleep yet. People say that once someone gets out of your life, they leave a big hole on your chest that feels impossible to fill up... no matter how much that person hurt you.

It felt like an endless nightmare, he was still waiting to wake up on his bed with his husband assuring him that everything was just a bad dream... he missed the times where he didn't know about Hajime's shitty secret.

But (Y/n) knew that if he goes back to him, he would never forgive himself and the constant thought of Hajime sleeping with another woman while they were dating keeps hammering his head nonstop and to top it all, she used to be his best friend.

(Y/n) remembers that night when Hajime showed up on his door with a gentle smile on his lips and a box of chocolate on his hands. (Y/n) could see the hint of guilt on his eyes, he thought that he was sorry for the stupid fight that they had, now he knows better. He remembers how his best friend would avoid him for a couple of days before meeting up again.

He wonders what was Hajime's reaction when he found out that he was going to be a father and how he decided to live a double life with Sachie.

Taking a deep breath, he looks at the window as the thoughts on his head didn't seem to go away any time soon. (Y/n) had plans for his future, yet his future involved a loyal and lovable Hajime by his side.

Now, he changed courses and he has to think into getting a divorce lawyer and find out what to do with the apartment. Also, he needs to talk with the bank to put his money from their shared account back to his personal account, see what to do with his furniture and electro domestics. Part of him knows how expensive those things were yet the other part of him doesn't want anything to do with everything that involves him...

Hajime...

(Y/n) hoped that Hajime wouldn't put up much of fight when it came about the divorce's papers. Ever since Hajime found out that he screw up pretty bad, he has been acting strange... as if he was expecting to be forgiven the second he said sorry. (Y/n) wonders if Hajime even thought of telling him about his other life.

It hurts him...

(Y/n) hugs the pillow feeling the tears coming down from his eyes. He's been crying almost every night, every memory by his side hurt him. From the first time they met until the last time he saw him... every happy memory feels pretended and every fight seemed made up so he could have an excuse to leave the house and go back to Sachie and his son.

He remembers the trips that Hajime had to take on especial days such as Christmas or father's day. (Y/n) thought that it was work related and always understood him for leaving so many days but now he feels stupid for depositing his hopes and dreams in a man that has been lying to him for many years.

What if he has been sleeping with others as well but just Sachie got pregnant? He wishes to feel anger towards the man that hurt him but he can't... he feels disappointed and heartbroken...

He feels empty, even if he had a stable job and the money to find a new place to live, he feels that the persons that were involved on his life would leave him alone eventually. The anxiety starts coming back to constantly remind him that he is not worth loving and that he is only a bother.

He chuckles humorlessly digging his fingers on the pillow until a knock resounds on the room.

"(Y/n)... it's 6.30 a.m." that was Yuzu's voice "I'll take you to the school, alright?"

(Y/n) looks at the hour on his phone and realizes that he was overthinking ever since he got on bed.

"(Y/n)?" Yuzu knocks again.

"Y-Yes..." he clears his throat "I-I'll be there in a minute..."

"...Are you okay?"

"Yes... sorry" he sits up "Just... a long night" he dries the tears with his shaky hands.

"May I come in?"

"Sure"

Yuzu opens the door and sees him looking down at his shaky hands.

"(Y/n)" he walks towards him and sits down next to him.

"It's fine, don't worry" he mutters "It's my bitchy anxiety, it'll go away in a couple of minutes..." he smiles gently at him.

"Is there something I can do?" Yuzu wanted to hold him tight against his chest but he knew that some people feel asphyxiated when they were having an attack of anxiety and he didn't want to worsen his state. So he will wait until (Y/n) asks him to hug him.

"Not really, sorry" he looks back at his hands. He forgot his pills on the apartment, he needs to buy new ones.

"Don't apologize"

"Right, sorry" he closes his eyes realizing his mistake and takes a deep breath "Sorry, it's almost automatic"

"It's fine..." he frowns slightly.

Each second he started to hate more the vile man that dare to hurt such a gentle soul as (Y/n).

"Why don't I call the principal's office and tell him that you are sick? So you can stay here and rest"

(Y/n) smiles at him and shakes his head "I'm fine, besides today my students prepared an exposition and I promised them that I'll be there to watch it"

"But (Y/n)-"

"Besides... I don't want to be alone with my thoughts... it's quite... depressing"

Yuzu looks at his eyes and nods "Okay... but I'm going to keep an eye on you, if I see that you are not well, I'm going to take you by force to the Cat Café so you can cuddle them while you drink (f/d)"

(Y/n) chuckles and nods.

"Okay, thank you..."

"Don't mention it..."

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